28Dec2017
Kids Development, Parenting Tips
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December 28, 2017

“Good job!” “Say sorry.” “Share.” “Do you want a time out?” Do these sound familiar to you? If so, you have probably picked up the “Parentspeak” without yourself even noticing it.

We might have started the “Parentspeak” with a good intention but little do we realise what it does to our kids.

According to Jennifer Lehr from WSJ, “Parentspeak” demands of compliance from kids rather than helping parents with their understanding on their kids’ feelings.

Check out this video now to find how you can speak to understand your kids’ feelings instead of giving them parents’ instructions to comply to!

27Dec2017
Kids Development, Parenting Tips
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December 27, 2017

It is challenging to teach kids how to tie shoe laces on their own.

If you need help, check this video now for some quick tips to teach your kids tie their shoes:
1. The bunny method which is the simplest to start off with.
2. The quick knot which require a little bit of practice but is super handy for kids once they master it
3. The practice board so that your kids can practice shoes tying anywhere they go
Did you think these tips are helpful? Comment below what other tips will you recommend now!

Don’t forget to share these tricks with your friends!

26Dec2017
Kids Development, Parenting Tips
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December 26, 2017

Travelling with a kid can be stressful. You will need tonnes of research and preparation before your trip to prepare for every single least expected detail. Yet, things could still find their way to go wrong despite your prep.

If you are taking a flight with your kids on your coming holiday, taking a car seat onto your flight would be able to help keep your kids as safe as possible on flight.

Watch this video now for all you need to know about bringing a car seat with you on an airplane.

Image credit to: Pixnio

25Dec2017
Kids Development, Parenting Tips
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December 25, 2017

Via The Parenting Place: A mum’s guide to an unstressy Christmas

In years gone by you would have found me madly rushing around buying presents, baking gingerbread, mulling wine, decking the halls, recreating endless stuff I’d found on Pinterest in an attempt to make Christmas magical for my kids. I would have been advent calendar-ing and Elf-on-the-Shelfing with the best of them. And my teeth would be nearly ground to nubs from the sheer effort of trying to drag my family kicking and screaming into ‘the Christmas spirit’ whether they liked it or not. Whether they complained or not. Whether it killed me or not.

But these days I take a different (less-is-more) approach. It’s the only way to keep my sanity and have any chance of enjoying this special season. We take each day as it comes, make few plans, watch loads of Christmas movies and try to just be in the moment.

Are you surviving the rush or wishing it was over already? Drowning in things to do or actually enjoying the season?

As I occasionally browse through Pinterest aimlessly pinning things I know I’ll never create, I wonder, “How’s everyone else doing out there?” Are you surviving the rush or wishing it was over already? Drowning in things to do or actually enjoying the season? Here’s how I’ve learned to survive (and even enjoy) Christmas, without too much stress.

1. Figure out what’s most important to you about Christmas (and then use that to reprioritise everything)

It sounds obvious, but sometimes we can get so caught up in the activity of the season that we forget to stop and think – what is this really all for?

  • Who are the people we most want to spend time with this season? (Make time for them)
  • What are the things we most enjoy doing as a family at this time of the year? (Make time for those)
  • Take stock, take a breath and ditch everything that doesn’t add to the enjoyment (i.e. the peace and joy) of Christmas.

A little word about obligations

Sometimes the biggest stress comes from being pulled in too many directions by various obligations. Some of these we can’t avoid, but others we can free ourselves from, like Christmas cards. Personally I don’t write them. I used to, but then decided I didn’t need the stress and freed myself from that one.

I refuse to stress myself out by loading myself down with obligations – I just do what I can and let the rest go.

Another thing I do to free myself from stress is limiting the number of people I buy gifts for to immediate family only, and thank you gifts for teachers. (The financial stress is big enough at Christmas without adding to it by trying to get a gift for every member of your son’s football team and all your great aunts).

Free yourself from obligations with a little word in the right ear, “The budget isn’t stretching to that this year, I’m sorry.” People understand. I refuse to stress myself out by loading myself down with obligations – I just do what I can and let the rest go.

2. Find a way to connect with the reason for the season

One of the biggest ways I stopped stressing and began actually enjoying the season was when I found a way to reconnect with the meaning of Christmas for me, i.e. the Christmas story. I keep that Christmas meaning alive and fresh in a number of other ways –

Christmas music

I download new Christmas songs each year from iTunes to help keep my Christmas music collection fresh. I have different playlists on iTunes and Spotify for each mood – moody Christmas carols for when I feel spiritual/sentimental, fun Christmas jingles for when it’s time to be merry.

Christmas shows

We look forward to our church Nativity play each year, and try to get along to a few other local events where we can meet friends, relax and hang out. We purposely avoid the crush and the rush at the major city wide events and stay local.

One of the biggest ways I stopped stressing and began actually enjoying the season was when I found a way to reconnect with the meaning of Christmas for me.

Christmas books

Reading favourite Christmas stories is a great way to connect with the season. We have a collection of Christmas books that we add to each year.

Christmas movies

We spend hours watching old favourites and discovering new ones. This time of year there are often Christmas films on TV and Netflix. There’s nothing better than snuggling up and watching a movie together, while munching on some Christmas treats.

Christmas giving

We always try to find a way to bless others at Christmas, whether it’s wrapping up a gift for needy families to put under a Wishing Tree, or getting the kids involved in Christmas kindness. Blessing others at this time of the year helps offset greed and commercialism and always leads to great warm fuzzies (giving is the real magic of Christmas).

3. Put a lid on greed

One of the most disheartening things about this season is the way it can turn our kids into greedy spoilt brats if we’re not careful. Focusing on giving to others as a family is one of the best ways to offset this.

Something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read.

Another way is to put limits on the Christmas spending spree by setting expectations early. Most years we follow this rule for Christmas gifts, “Something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read.” The kids end up saying, “Mum, for my something to read I’d really love the latest Wimpy Kid book,” or, “Mum for my ‘something I need’, I really need a lunchbox, and socks – ’cause my brothers keep stealing mine!” This not only helps me focus on what to buy but lets the kids know not to expect a massive pile of loot under the tree. It also helps reduce financial pressure.

4. Don’t reinvent the wheel – take shortcuts

It is possible to have Christmas fun without all the stress. If you aren’t the type who enjoys baking, why tear your hair out over a made-from-scratch gingerbread house that won’t stick together? Get a cheap ready-made kit from Kmart instead and let the kids have fun lathering it in lollies. Use store-bought custard and sponge cake for the Christmas trifle, put cream on a Cowells pavlova, heat up an Aunt Betty’s Christmas pudding in the microwave. Don’t feel like you have to make/bake everything from scratch – give yourself a break and find a shortcut.

Don’t feel like you have to make/bake everything from scratch – give yourself a break and find a shortcut.

Here’s a tip that will save your Christmas Eve – wrap the presents as you buy them. Don’t wait until Christmas Eve to wrap them all at in one hit. This is a thankless back-breaking exercise which is sure to keep you up late wondering why you bought so much stuff. Wrap-as-you-go lets you just chill and enjoy Christmas Eve, when not a creature is stirring, just you with a glass of wine, (store-bought) Christmas mince tarts and candlelight.

5. Don’t compare

Whatever you do, don’t compare your Christmas efforts to others’. Fill your house with Christmas in your own way. The danger of social media is that we can start to compare our efforts to the picture-perfect awesomeness we see in our newsfeeds. Down this road of comparison lies discontent and dissatisfaction. Don’t go there.

Down this road of comparison lies discontent and dissatisfaction. Don’t go there.

Look for inspiration on the net, by all means, but don’t let it make you feel like your Christmas efforts are not ‘enough’. Instead fill your house with your own sense of the season: your special memories and things that mean Christmas to you. For us it’s decorating a real pine tree (for that instant Christmassy smell) with the decorations we’ve collected through the years and lighting candles and twinkle lights at night. On Christmas Eve we hang stockings, watch a Christmas movie and eat our store-bought, lolly-lathered gingerbread house.You do you.

If your Christmas to-do list is too long and you’re lying awake at night wondering how you’re going to do it all, it may be time to edit that list. So what if we’ve ticked off doing all the Christmas activities and traditions from our list but we’ve exhausted ourselves in the process and can’t wait until the whole jolly rigmarole is over? Sometimes less is more.

22Dec2017
Kids Development, Parenting Tips
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December 22, 2017

What is your parenting philosophy? If it is about raising a happy child, you might want to reconsider it after watching this video.

Dr. Shefali shared a surprising parenting myth: which is “parenting is about raising a happy child”.

Dr. Shefali said that life is not just about happiness. Life is to experience in every nuance as it presents itself in them as is.

As parents, it is our sacred obligation to not teach our children to run away from life as it is. Therefore, it is inevitable to teach rejection to our kids.

Do you agree? Comment your thoughts below now!

20Dec2017
Kids Development, Parenting Tips
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December 20, 2017

Mommy’s note:

Note to myself, to give more positive attention to my kids in order to promote positive behavior.

Your kids want attention all the time. How do you know if you are giving them the right amount of attention? How sure are you if you are giving them the right kind of attention?

In this video, Jason Kreidman explains the 3 types of attention in parenting psychology:

  1. The positive attention which is used to rewards our kids
  2. The negative attention when they misbehave
  3. No attention when we ignore them

The key is to cut down on the negative attention given to your kids. Giving kids positive attention will reinforce the positive behavior.

Watch this video now to learn how could you raise well-behaved kids using attention!

8Dec2017
Kids Development, Parenting Tips
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December 8, 2017

Via No Sidebar: Less really is more: How to parent like a minimalist

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had big ideas. I wanted to give my children the world. Like most new parents, I had the best of intentions.

Every generation wants to give their children more than they had themselves. My intention was no different—I wanted to give my children more. More love. More protection. More opportunities. More toys.

More, more, more.

This desire for more was rooted in love.

After I had children and they began to grow, there was a shift. This desire for more became rooted in fear.

If I didn’t play with them enough, would they be happy? If I didn’t stand at least two foot from them at all times on the playground, would they fall? If I didn’t land a spot in a top preschool, would their education be impacted?

In the words of Erin Loechner, “No one ever told me how much fear is hidden in love.”

All this fear, camouflaged as love, quickly started to take a toll on me. Trying to be everything and do everything for my children left me depleted.

My desire to give my children more left me feeling less.

Less energy. Less joy. Less calm.

Then I found Minimalism.

Minimalism is more than just getting rid of all your stuff (although I am on that bandwagon too). It’s about filtering out the noise to focus your energy on what’s important.

Families of today have noisy lives. I know this in my personal life, but also in my professional life. I have a Ph.D. in Child Development with a specialty in Family Wellness. I work with families to find calm amongst the noise.

In families, the calm lies in balancing the needs of each individual while simultaneously tightening the strings that hold them all together.

Sounds tricky, right?

How to Parent Like a Minimalist

Fortunately minimalism has a secret formula for parents: Less is More. Here are some lessons I’ve learned on my journey toward a simpler family life:

1. Hover less and your children will live more.

We spend so much time protecting our children, we forget to let them live. When we hover over them and perseverate over safety, our fears can undermine a child’s confidence. These fears rob them of their independence. Instead of hovering, let’s instill a sense of responsibility and natural curiosity for the world.

Allow your children to live life to the fullest. Even if that means climbing to the top of the jungle gym without a spotter.

2. Entertain less and your children will innovate more.

In many ways, Pinterest is a trap. The abundance of art, craft, and activity ideas that abound leave us feeling as though we need to do more to entertain our kids. Wouldn’t it be easy if we could just flip a switch and provide unlimited entertainment for our kids?

Oh wait, we can. It’s called screen time.

When we provide endless varieties of entertainment for our children, we leave them with very little opportunity to create and explore new ideas on their own.

So hear me out: Follow my lead and skip the Pinterest activities. Then cut back on the screen time. Let kids be bored. Give them space. The innovation that results will astound you.

3. Schedule less and your children will rest more.

As humans, we need to rest our bodies and minds. This is particularly true of small bodies that are growing and maturing rapidly. Research show us that childhood anxiety is a rising epidemic in this generation. A child who grows up with anxiety is significantly more likely to be plagued with mental health challenges throughout their adult years.

Do you know what our children need? Rest.

Do you know what we need? Rest.

Stop making rest a luxury—make rest a priority. The mental and physical health of your family depends on it.

4. Referee less and your children will problem solve more.

As parents, we wear many hats. One hat we need to hang up is that of the referee. Parents have the tendency to jump in and solve any disputes and challenges that children come across. It’s easier to be the referee than watch two kids awkwardly settle their own disagreement. It’s easier to be jump in and help than wait ten minutes for a kid to fumble through shoe tying.

After you hang up that hat, get comfortable sitting on the sidelines in silence. Kids need a lot of practice to learn how to problem solve—so let’s give them many chances to do it for themselves.

5. Buy less and your children will seek more.

Research shows that clutter is associated with higher levels of stress in families. Have you yelled at your kids to clean up their rooms recently? If your home has less inside, it is easier to clean up. It is easier to take good care of fewer things.

You know what doesn’t have a long-term impact on a child happiness? The latest hit toy. Buy your children less, and as a result, they will be able to better filter out the noise and focus on the important things.

Studies tell us that family vacations and togetherness have a long term impact on a child’s happiness. Let’s teach our children to value “stuff” less and experiences more.

What are you doing less of to help your kids get more out of life?

6Dec2017
Kids Development, Parenting Tips
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December 6, 2017

MAma speaks:

Personally, I feel it’s a balance between positive reinforcement and tough love. They need to know that their actions have consequences.

Via Moultrie News: Teacher to Parent – Positive reinforcement doesn’t work in the long run

Q. My third grade son recently came home in tears saying he didn’t want to go to school anymore because he was punished for talking during silent reading. The teacher kept him in from recess. I think this is horrible. It isn’t a teacher’s job to destroy a child’s love for school. Instead of constant punishment for every little infraction, what about using positive reinforcement?

A. He was in tears for having to miss recess? Ah, sweet innocence of youth. Let’s hope he never gets a really tough consequence. Or a boss. Or a job.

I don’t see what the teacher did as either horrible or tear-inducing. My advice would be to have a conversation with your third-grader on the topic of “coping skills.” Because if being kept out of recess has destroyed his love for school, I shudder to think what’s in store when he gets to algebra.

“Positive reinforcement” is a polarizing topic among teachers. Many of my elementary school colleagues tell me it works very well. I’ll take their word for it. But I’ll tell you something that doesn’t work in middle and high school: positive reinforcement.

I’m not saying it’s all bad, of course. Compliments and certain rewards are very good for the spirit. I’m talking specifically about the widespread use of extrinsic rewards as a means of instilling good conduct.

One problem is that the rewards for good behavior can’t keep pace with children’s changing desires. I remember in first grade being highly motivated to get a colorful little handmade award every week. Can you imagine that kind of thing being a serious inducement for a kid who just got 48 “likes” on his latest Instagram post?

At a certain point, all of our little trinkets, tchotchkes, gewgaws, kickshaws, and surcees just can’t match up to the thrill of clipping your friend in the back of the head with a stinger, socializing with the girl next to you during a history lecture, or chillin’ in the hallway while everyone else is in class. The “positive reward” would need some serious bank behind it to seduce eighth graders into glorious conformity en masse.

I had an education professor who once told the story of an old man who was annoyed by some teenagers who walked home every day by cutting through his yard and stomping on his grass. They ignored his yelling, so one day he decided to try positive reinforcement in reverse. He offered the kids a dollar for every day they walked across his lawn. The kids were happy to do it, especially since they had already been doing it anyway, and for a month, the man made good on his bargain. One day he suddenly stopped paying them and called the deal off. The kids became so disgusted that they refused to walk on his lawn ever again.

That’s what tends to happen to positive reinforcement when extrinsic rewards are removed. The behavior you want to maintain doesn’t always stick. It was tied to a reward. Now untethered, it’s free to do whatever it wants. If a kid was earning a candy hit for keeping his locker neat, it’s likely that his locker will go to rot as soon as the sugar train stops rolling.

And that leads us to a second problem: Schools shouldn’t prepare kids for a world that doesn’t exist. In real life, citizens aren’t rewarded extrinsically for being good citizens. You don’t get a bonus check for paying your taxes on time. Cops don’t pull you over and hand you a $50 gift certificate for going the speed limit. Nobody throws you a pizza party for not firebombing your neighbors.

In real life there are many things we do simply because they’re the right things to do. Does anyone remember the adage “Virtue is its own reward”? For our children’s benefit, we should bring it back into vogue.

As for the recess thing, it’s not that every school infraction deserves a punishment. It’s that children should learn that actions have consequences. Your son has learned that boys who read when it’s time to read have the freedom to go play at recess, and those who want to talk at the wrong time lose that freedom. That’s basically how it works in the real world, right?

Are there some people who don’t rob banks because they’re afraid of losing their freedom? Sure, and I’m okay with that. Ideally, though, people don’t rob banks because it’s the wrong thing to do. Most of us are probably in that category. Even if we knew we could “get away with it,” we still wouldn’t rob banks because it’s morally wrong. And that’s what we should be teaching our kids.

But do you know anyone who wouldn’t rob a bank solely because their name would be entered in a drawing for a free set of Beats by Dre? I don’t. But get ready because that may very well be the future if we don’t get back to the paired basics of teaching students that virtue is its own reward and that bad actions have bad consequences.

So if it were my child who came home crying that he hated school because he lost recess for talking during reading time, I’d firmly inform him that tomorrow he should stop talking and read. And if he hates school because they took away his recess, he’d better get ready to hate home, too, because if he disobeys the teacher again, there will be consequences here as well.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pay some kids to get on my lawn.

1Dec2017
Kids Development, Parenting Tips
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December 1, 2017

Via Los Angeles Times: 5 Tips for Teaching Kids to Embrace Risk Taking

Every child learns best when they have the courage to explore, to ask, “what if…?” and to take small risks. By creating and testing their ideas without fear, by constantly remaking and remodeling, they are paving the way for a breakthrough moment. It is important for parents and teachers to embrace this discovery and uncertainty both in the classroom and at home to develop a child’s confidence and ability to persevere.

These five tips will help you support the children in your life and encourage them to explore, try new things and follow their curiosity.

1) Try and try again.

Serve as a role model and be willing to take risks and make mistakes yourself. Show children that it is okay to try something and then switch directions if it doesn’t work. Embrace and teach iteration from the engineering design process, as kids are encouraged to try several things and keep working and reworking toward the best possible solution.

2) Design. Test. Modify.

Presenting kids with open-ended problems is a great way to encourage risk taking. Rather than having them work toward something with one, concrete answer, encourage them to “Design, test and modify and keep working to find the best solution, not just the first solution,” says Jennifer Nash of LEGO Education, an organization that has decades of experience providing students with playful, hands-on learning experiences that foster the “Design. Test. Modify.” mentality.

3) Facilitate, don’t demonstrate.

When you do something and tell kids to mirror your actions, you are teaching nothing but repetition. Instead, give them the tools they need to solve the problem, but let them go through a trial-and-error process on their own to reach the solution.

4) Embrace the journey, not the destination.

 

Encourage kids to talk about how they got to a solution, not just what they created. What did they try that worked, and what did not? What did they learn throughout the process? By framing each step as a learning opportunity, it removes the pressure of reaching one final, correct answer and will make them more likely to take smart risks in the future.

5) Take time to reflect.

Failure can be disheartening, especially for a young child. Rather than dwelling on the negative, make sure you are encouraging kids to take time to reflect when things do not go as planned. When kids look at failures as learning opportunities, they will not be afraid to take risks to achieve success.

30Nov2017
Kids Development, Parenting Tips
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November 30, 2017

Mummy’s note:

I believed all mothers can relate to this article.

Via Scary Mommy: Some Days I Can’t Stand My Kids

My husband hadn’t been home from work for more than three minutes before I was closing the door behind me and headed out. That was my destination: out. Out of the house. Away from my kids. The destination? Who the hell cares, as long as it is quiet and I’m alone.

My reason for the self-inflicted exile is something I felt ashamed to admit for a long time. I felt like I couldn’t say it out loud because I would seem like a bad mom, ungrateful, despicable, shameful even. At one point, I thought that if I told you the real reason why I was essentially running away from home for a few hours you would think less of me. Now I know better. I know that you feel the same way sometimes.

My reason for bolting before my husband could sit down?

Some days, I can’t stand my kids.

Plain and simple.

I love them to pieces. They are my light and my joy. So often, they make me laugh and force me out of my comfort zone. They are entertaining and endearing, and my life is #blessed because of them. But you know what else they are?

Little humans.

Do you know what that means?

They are irritating AF sometimes.

It’s just the way humans are. Humans are annoyed by other humans, even the ones we love more than anyone else. Maybe especially the ones we love the most, and especially when they are young.

There are days where my son wakes up on the wrong side of the bed and the only way he will communicate with me or his sister is through high-pitched whining. From 6 a.m. when he wakes up until 7 p.m. when his whiny butt finally falls asleep, all I get is the whine. It is loud and piercing and — this is not hyperbole — it literally makes me want to pull my hair out.

These are days when I can’t stand my kids.

There are days when, after alternating between sleeping and kicking me in the ribs all night, my daughter wakes up and has decided she knows absolutely everything about everything, and she is going to argue about every. single. thing. I say or do or tell her to say or do. All day long. The attitude is strong in this one, and she’s trying to go all alpha female on me, and I’m not having it which means we spent all day butting heads and…

These are days when I can’t stand my kids.

When the bickering never stops. When something gets broken. When every food set before them is scoffed at, and bath time has become a method of torture to them. When everything they want to do is dangerous, and everything I tell them to do becomes a screaming match. When mom sitting down becomes the signal for them to lock themselves in the bathroom, and then I find crayons in the dryer.

These are days when I can’t stand my kids.

I know this sounds like just a bitch session, but it’s not. It’s more than that. It’s me telling you that it’s okay to have days like these. It is okay for you to have a day where you feel like you can’t stand the sound of your son’s voice. It’s okay to tell your daughter you simply cannot answer one more question today. It’s okay to feel suffocated by motherhood, and it’s okay to admit it.

It’s also okay to take a break, to recharge, to breathe. In fact, it’s vital.

Little kids are little humans, and all humans have moments and days (and even weeks, Lord help us all) where they are irritating and caustic and annoying, and you just want to run away forever because it sounds like the only option to salvage your sanity.

But you love them. And you would never actually leave them permanently. And it’s okay, and even healthy, to admit that kids are difficult, and some days you can’t stand them. That doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you an honest one. And we need more honest parents raising honest kids so we no longer feel weighed down by the pressure to be perfect and perma-smiling. Life is hard. Kids are hard. Motherhood is hard. Admit it. You’ll feel better.

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