22Dec2017
Kids Development, Parenting Tips
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December 22, 2017

What is your parenting philosophy? If it is about raising a happy child, you might want to reconsider it after watching this video.

Dr. Shefali shared a surprising parenting myth: which is “parenting is about raising a happy child”.

Dr. Shefali said that life is not just about happiness. Life is to experience in every nuance as it presents itself in them as is.

As parents, it is our sacred obligation to not teach our children to run away from life as it is. Therefore, it is inevitable to teach rejection to our kids.

Do you agree? Comment your thoughts below now!

27Nov2017
Kids Development, Parenting Tips
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November 27, 2017

Via She Knows: Why I Love Raising My Kid in a Big City

I loved my small-town childhood, but it’s not what I want for my kid.

My childhood was just about as small-town-idyllic as it gets. I grew up in the woods of New England; I ran outside barefoot all summer, playing tag and catching fireflies until long after dark. We knew everyone in town, and all the parents kept an eye out for each other’s kids (my mom joked that she had “eyes” all over town).

But today, I’ve made the choice to raise my daughter in a vastly different environment — in the heart of one of the biggest cities in America. Why? Too many reasons to count, really, but here are a few.

Diversity

In my small town, the vast majority of the residents looked like me: white. It wasn’t until I went to college in Boston and Los Angeles that I became exposed to people of different cultures, races, ethnicities, religions, genders, sexual orientations, abilities… the list goes on. Simply meeting people who are different opened my eyes to global issues more than any school lesson could. And now, my daughter has been exposed to more diversity at age 3 than I was at 18. My hope is that this means she’ll grow up with a deeply ingrained sense of respect and compassion for those who are different from her.

Then there’s the bonus of living in a diverse community: food. In my hometown, our choices were limited to fast food, pizza and Chinese takeout. In her few years of life so far, my daughter has already gobbled down delicious and surprisingly cheap Thai pad see ew, Japanese ramen, Korean bibimbap, Mexican tamales, Filipino barbeque, Vietnamese cold rice noodles, Indian aloo gobi… Oh, and all of these dishes are available within a 2-mile radius of our apartment.

Living efficiently

In cities, living spaces tend to be much smaller. Our family of three lives in a 750-square-foot apartment. This means our energy bills (and carbon footprints) are low, and we can’t accumulate a lifetime of clutter — because we have no place to put it. We have to make careful decisions about what purchases we bring home, and we have to stay organized. This means we save on everything from toys to clothes to furniture as well as the hours we’d spend cleaning a larger place. Most of all, we spend a lot more time together because there aren’t opposite ends of a house to retreat to.

Culture & entertainment

This holiday season, I’ll be taking my daughter to a production of The Nutcracker just like quite a few families across the country. But not all those families have dozens of Nutcracker productions to choose from. Shall we hit up the Moscow Ballet? How about a Debbie Allen hip-hop revamp of the Tchaikovsky-Balanchine classic? Or perhaps we’ll check out The Nutcracker performed by puppets.

From Disney on Ice to Paw Patrol Live, if it’s touring, it will come here. But it’s not all big-ticket shows that cost a pretty penny; our city also boasts a seemingly unlimited selection of affordable or even free museums, zoos, aquariums, botanical gardens and play spaces to choose from at any moment.

Education

Does your kid want to learn Mexican folklorico dancing? Maybe she wants to try rock climbing, learn to code or go to zoo camp? Or how about a foreign language — Arabic, Hindi, Swedish, anyone? If your kid can dream it, there’s probably a class available with an expert to teach it. Yes, a lot of these classes cost a lot of money, but you’d be surprised at the affordable options out there. Even the public school system in our city offers dual-language programs in Spanish, Mandarin, Korean, you name it. When you live in a densely populated area, there’s a wealth of experience and talent at your fingertips for a wide range of price points.

Image Source: pxhere

Delivery (yep)

Can’t make it to the grocery store because you’re home with a sick kiddo? Having a dinner party and forgot the wine? Working late with no time to make dinner? In my city, there are seemingly countless delivery services that can bring you everything from food to booze to household supplies. Of course, that doesn’t mean we’re lazing it up, never leaving the house and spending our entire salaries on getting random items toted to our doorstep. But, boy, is this a nice option to have for “emergencies” large and small. I know if I ever wake up the day of my daughter’s friend’s birthday party and realize I forgot to get a present, I can order something on Amazon Prime Now that will arrive in an hour or two. It’s amazing what this knowledge does to lower one’s anxiety levels.

Walkability

Even in small towns, “walkable” is one of the most sought-after real-estate buzzwords. Being able to walk to your local coffee shops, parks, libraries, farmers markets, restaurants and shops makes for an active and often more happy family. And if you’ve been trying to get a sullen older kid to open up a little, there’s nothing like a long walk to stimulate conversation.

Parent networks

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was worried I’d never be able to recreate that small-town community vibe I’d grown up with. I thought it would be impossible in this big city — but I was so wrong. Since my daughter’s birth, I have met so many amazing friends and parents (many through nothing more than a neighborhood Facebook group) and I now have the same close-knit, caring community I had back home — just on a slightly larger scale.

Bottom line: While I don’t have a huge backyard or recognize every face in the grocery store, for me, the benefits of raising a child in the city far outweigh any negatives. By being immersed in diversity, educational opportunities and cultural experiences, this city is educating my daughter far better than I would be able to on my own. And I like to think that education is turning her into a more compassionate, global-minded citizen too.

10Nov2017
Kids Development, Parenting Tips
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November 10, 2017

Via Psychology Today: 4 Keys to Resolving Conflict with Your Kid

Every parent knows the nightly ritual: You read your child a bedtime story, say “lights out,” and then brace for the storm of “I do not want to go to bed!!!” Night after night, we parents all suffer from this same malady, until we finally lose that last sliver of patience and snap back at our child with some not-so-nice words. Our child eventually falls asleep, but we lay awake worrying about what we said and wondering whether we may just be the single worst parent in the world.

You’re not. In reality, every parent and child fights — and a whole new set of tools offers powerful methods to resolve conflict, whether you are struggling to put your four-year-old to sleep or tussling with your teenager over screen time. Here are four crucial guidelines:

1. Don’t fall into “vertigo.”

Perhaps no relationship in life is as intense as that between parent and child. So as conflict intensifies, you risk having the tension emotionally consume you, to the extent that you can think of nothing else in your life. I call this experience vertigo, for you feel like the world is spinning out of control. Every time you try to regain focus, your child makes a new demand of you or a child lobs a punch at a sibling, pulling you one step further into that emotional swirl.

The best way to break out of vertigo is to avoid getting into it. As tensions escalate, ask yourself one critical question: “Do I really want to get caught up in this conflict?” Most likely, the answer will be no. So take a moment to regain perspective: Take a deep breath and imagine yourself an hour from now, alone in the shower or in your bed relaxing and reading a book. Or imagine yourself on the moon looking down at your interaction. Is it really worth getting so worked up over your kid’s bedtime? Probably not.

2. Appreciate your child’s concerns.

We parents tend to think that we know all the right answers, especially when we are in arguments with our children. But just because we have power over our kids doesn’t mean that there is no validity to their perspectives. Kids often have a good rationale motivating their behavior, and it pays to take the time to inquire, listen, and try to understand. When your ten-year-old starts shouting that you treat him unfairly, don’t just defend your behavior. Ask why he thinks that way. He may be jealous of the leniency you show in disciplining his younger brothers, or he may be making a call for more attention.

3. Give your child some autonomy.

Imagine how disempowering it can feel to be a child: Your parents tell you what time to wake up, what to eat, when to sleep, and even how to talk. Unsurprisingly, then, children want some freedom to determine their own destiny. Even my four-year-old son Liam will break out in a temper tantrum if I choose his dessert for him. “Daddy! I want to choose!!!” So the next time your child asks if she can stay up an extra half hour, don’t just say no. Ask why. Listen to her reason, and give her a choice: “If you stay up later tonight, you will have to go to bed earlier tomorrow night. Which do you want?”

4. Resist the repetition compulsion.

Notice the patterns of conflict that you tend to repeat when in a fight with a child. In my own family, I noticed a common pattern develop with my ten-year-old son, Noah. The moment he started to tease his younger brothers, I would immediately step in with tough words: “Noah … stop!” He tended to ignore those words and persist with his behavior, which undermined my authority but elevated his status in his brothers’ eyes. Of course, I would then further assert my authority, again demanding he stop. Inevitably, our conversation would end in a verbal clash.

But our relationship was not doomed. The key is to notice a dysfunctional pattern of conflict and commit to changing one or two actions in that process. In my relationship with Noah, I came to understand our typical pattern of mutual confrontation, and I sought to change my behavior. When Noah next teased his brothers, I stepped in and asked him to stop. He refused. But instead of escalating my demand, I asked his advice on how we might deal with the situation. He appeared caught off guard, and told me that his younger brothers had been invading his space on the couch. Nowwe were talking, listening, and effectively communicating. By asking Noah for advice, I jolted us out of our typical pattern of discord, which created space for us to have a more productive conversation.

So take action today, tomorrow, and the next.

As I write this article, I realize that the advice I am sharing is as much for me as for you. My three boys are loving and adorable, but they certainly test their daddy’s patience on a daily basis. Patterns of conflict are hard to change. But with conscientious effort, you can avoid falling prey to vertigo, to the repetition compulsion, and to the usual fight. As you keep trying, your fights will start to feel more manageable, and your relationships will feel more constructive. And with enough effort, you may just be able to master the fine art of conflict resolution by the time your child grows up.

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