20Dec2017
Kids Development, Parenting Tips
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December 20, 2017

Mommy’s note:

Note to myself, to give more positive attention to my kids in order to promote positive behavior.

Your kids want attention all the time. How do you know if you are giving them the right amount of attention? How sure are you if you are giving them the right kind of attention?

In this video, Jason Kreidman explains the 3 types of attention in parenting psychology:

  1. The positive attention which is used to rewards our kids
  2. The negative attention when they misbehave
  3. No attention when we ignore them

The key is to cut down on the negative attention given to your kids. Giving kids positive attention will reinforce the positive behavior.

Watch this video now to learn how could you raise well-behaved kids using attention!

20Dec2017
Kids Development, Kids Health, Kids Nutrition
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December 20, 2017

There is a widespread practice of “Lunch-shaming” at schools which forces kids to do janitorial work when they don’t have enough money in their lunch account to pay for meals.

Kids who were treated likewise were bawling with embarrassment, having their self-esteem hurt.

However, great news for all parents that the state authorities are starting to fight back. “Lunch shaming” is finally being banned by New Mexico! It is the first state to pass a law which requires schools to handle lunch debt with the parents instead of the kids.

Kids who can’t afford lunch shouldn’t be embarrassed at school. Check out this video and share it now if you agree!

19Dec2017
Courageous Children, Kids Development, Kindness For Kids
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December 19, 2017

Mommy’s note:

Say no to bullying! Bullying is not cool.

This kid was being bullied in Middle School like many other kids did. However, his mother and he have decided to not remain quiet on the incident but to speak up instead.

Keaton Jones and his mom have posted a video to describe his experience of being taunted during school lunch and how he feels about it. This video has immediately caught on fire and was being viewed more than 20 million times.

Watch this video now for Keaton’s sharings and the responses from people around the world including celebrities and athletes!

What would you do if your kids were being bullied?

18Dec2017
Emotional Intelligence for Kids, Kids Development
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December 18, 2017

Via Becoming You: How to… Teach Emotional Intelligence to Kids

Another awesome educational post for all the parents trying their best out there! Thanks to my sister/ teacher/ friend/ all-round educational expert Emma for this excellent post on how to teach Emotional Intelligence to kids!

If you know me you will know that among other things I teach. I love to teach and engage with young children and to see their minds stretched and their social skills grown!

One thing I have realized over the years is how little intentional guidance and direction children of all ages receive in managing their own emotions.

Let’s face it, life is busy!!!

But I am passionate about using creative methods to impact kids for the better.

Recently, while struggling with my own grade 1 son’s emotional management- or mismanagement – I used the following with some awesome results…

When it comes to emotional skills, us parents usually give our children a good chat or talking too, and think that should do the trick to teach them how to cope emotionally, but what I would like to introduce you to is a new hand’s-on way of addressing big emotions that’s suitable for all ages!

Play-Dough!

Play-Dough is a simple, tactile and creative medium that lends itself perfectly to children and their learning in so many ways… I’ve used it to teach mathematics, creative activities and social skill around a table in a classroom. But recently I found it was the ideal way for me to tap into the emotional side of my son!

teaching kids emotional intelligence

Now there is some debate over which are the main emotions that a child has to learn how to cope with, but we do know that anger, hate, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness and surprise are some of them.

These intangible things can be very overwhelming to little (and big) children. What we need to do as parents is give them space to learn about each one, understand them and be taught how to handle each one correctly…

Top Tips for teaching Emotional Intelligence to Kids using Play-Dough

1. Naming Emotions

The first important step is helping your child know the different emotions and how they make one react. Using paper printables of blank faces or handdrawn options, assist your child in completing the facial expressions all while chatting about the different emotions and how people react when they feel them. Emphasise that we control our own emotions and can choose good or bad reactions when we feel them.

2. Calming Emotions

Playing with a small ball of Play-Dough has an amazing calming and soothing effect. Rolling, squashing, flattening, pushing and squeezing small pieces into balls or long tubes can help stressed children relax and this will improve their ability to self-regulate. Once a child is in a calm state then they are able to engage with you and use their words properly. Let children have uninterrupted time to create. This can be used at certain times of the day or during a bad day or difficult season. Children will benefit from the tactile play and it will assist them to self-calm.

3. Understanding Emotions

Use Play-Dough to make faces that express each of the emotions. You can then match these to situations that cause the children to feel these emotions. For example: Mould a sleeping bag and then make a face, use this opportunity to talk about the underlying feelings associated with going away. Let your child have space to express themselves without you jumping in to fix the problem. Rather ask the child what do they think might help? Then make these things together.

4. Outbursts of Emotions

This can be really hard if you are not at home. Take the opportunity to revisit situations using the Play-Dough when your child is calm. Ask your child to create something that shows what caused the emotion. For example: Your child may mould a soccer ball then get them to talk about how he got angry when they lost the game. Help them turn this into something positive by remoulding the Play-Dough into a positive object, maybe hands shaking to indicate being happy even though they lost and showing sportsmanship. Visual learners will particularly respond well to this type of play. This could develop into an interactive scene where you demonstrate the appropriate and inappropriate emotional behaviours in duel scenes. Which one should we do?

5. Situations and Emotions (past or future)

Use the Play-Dough to create a scene. Make all the parts to the scene and use them to ‘act’ out the situation. As you role-play it along side your child, engage their emotions giving them helping ways to address them. For example: Mom and Dad are going away for a few days on an aeroplane. Your child will be staying with granny. Make the aeroplane, make the granny and her house together. Act out the game together, perhaps your child will ask to go on the plane with Dad and Mom, then explain she is staying with her granny this time and they will have a lovely time together. When she misses Mom and Dad she can write them a card, send them a blowing kiss etc. Creating the scene together can help demystify and prepare a child for what is to come!

6. Triggering Emotions

My 3 year old constantly finds sharing a huge challenge! If your child expresses that they want all the purple Play-Dough then use the opportunity to help your child learn how to share. Explain that you were hoping to make some purple flowers then point out that she can share and both of you can be happy. This same method can be used for other triggers as you can create a safe place to safely engage with your child on these things without it becoming a heated moment and thereby allowing your child space to practise their emotional responses. For example: turn taking, handing something over, dealing with disappointments, managing solo tasks etc.

So if you’re struggling with a child who isn’t quite able to keep their emotions in check or could do with a boost of emotional intelligence why not go and grab your nearest tub of Play-Dough, refer to this list and get your child emotionally skilled in the most creative way possible!

18Dec2017
Kids And Technology, Kids Development
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December 18, 2017

These kids were asked to take a break from their phones for 1 week. They were asked to stop social texting, video viewing, social media and all the fun stuff on their phones.

Despite being devastated at first, most of them believed that the could live without their phone for a week.

They were stressed, upset, and were starting to realize how much are they attached to their phones. However as the days go by, they have managed to pull it through!

And guess what? None of them believed that their parents can take the challenge. So parents, are you up for the challenge too?

Check out how these digital natives who are used to be on their phones every single day react to the #DigitalDetox challenge now!

16Dec2017
Conservation For Kids, Kids Development
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December 16, 2017

Via Wildlife Articles: Why We Need to Teach Children About Conservation

Conservation isn’t just for grown-ups. Teaching kids about our world and how to live it in sustainably should a keystone of their education. It’s important for their understanding of the world, and it may influence how they live as adults — and maybe even how people live for many generations to come.

They Can Make a Difference

Anyone one can make a difference, and even incremental ones are important when dealing with something like conservation that affects everyone. A child who knows how to treat nature well, recycle things instead of trashing them and choose environmentally friendly options will have a small direct positive impact on the health of the environment.

That change, though, can have a ripple effect. They may end up teaching their friends a little about conservation or even get their schools more interested in taking steps to operate more sustainably. When kids learn about conservation, their parents do. One study found that when children participate in a wetlands education program, their parents were also better informed and practice better water management at home.

It’s Important for Their Education

To really understand how the world works, you need to have knowledge of the environment that we all exist in. It’s fundamental to a thorough understanding of life and is a prerequisite to understanding many other aspects of life. Everything we do starts with the foundation of our environment, so we should start teaching kids early too.

Habits Start Young

We start forming habits from a young age, and those formed during childhood may become the ones that are most ingrained in us. A Brown University study found that by the age of nine routines and habits likely won’t change.

Teach your kids habits such as eating local, whole fruits and vegetables and using non-toxic cookware. You could also show them what to recycle, and maybe start composting food waste. One of the most effective ways to teach kids these behaviors is by example. Do that, and they may stick with those healthy, eco-friendly practices through adulthood.

Today’s Kids Are the Future

When they learn about conservation, kids can make an immediate impact. It may also help them make a difference in the future. Learning the basics of sustainability and environmental science may spark an interest that leads to a career, volunteer activity or hobby in the future. Your kid may even go on to invent a new way to store renewable energy or help save an endangered species.

Plus, the children of today will be in charge of keeping the planet healthy in the future. Sadly, they’ll also have to deal with the consequences of damage done by many generations before them.

With the right tools, the children of today may be able to improve the health of our environment in the future, and they may even get a start on it while they’re still young. Education is one of the most vital tools they’ll need to save the environment they depend on.

11Dec2017
Courageous Children, Kids Development, Kindness For Kids
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December 11, 2017

Mummy’s note:

Show them that you stand confidently in your values and opinions, even if they could be considered unpopular. When you’re assertive, your children are more likely to be assertive as well. This also means when you tell your child “no” you need to stick to it.

Via Raising Digital Natives: Empowering Your Kids to Stand Up for Themselves (and Others)

“Someone posted something really mean about another kid in our group chat.”

Has your child ever said this to you? If she has, two things:

  1. High-five! This is what great parents are made of – your kid trusts you and can open up to you about this stuff.
  2. You probably stopped whatever it was you were doing, put your phone down, closed your laptop, and looked your child in the face to start a conversation.

Before we get into how to set your kids up for success in navigating these situations, here are some questions to ask your child:

  • What did you see?
  • How did this make you feel?
  • How did it make others feel?
  • What did you do next?
  • Would you do anything differently?

Ask these questions from a place of curiosity. You’re not being accusatory here. Just listen to them.

Once you understand what your child heard or saw, your next step is to empower her to speak up next time, and every time. Let her know in a positive way that she has control over her reaction and permission to say something whenever something isn’t right. Let her know that even though standing up for herself or others and speaking up might feel uncomfortable, you believe that standing up for yourself and others is always the best choice.

“Upstanders” Need a Good Role Model – You!

Mentorship is critical in issue of digital citizenship. Your kids are watching what you say and do. Treat this as an opportunity to “ambiently” instill your values in them. In other words, be an upstander yourself!

Show them that you stand confidently in your values and opinions, even if they could be considered unpopular. When you’re assertive, your children are more likely to be assertive as well. This also means when you tell your child “no” you need to stick to it.

Here are some responses you can share with your children, depending on their age and maturity level, to respond to inappropriate and unkind behavior.

Preschool to primary grades

We can teach our younger children about boundary setting and speaking up early on. At this age, it’s completely acceptable that adult authority is huge, so having them put the focus on how you will react can help get them in the habit of saying something as they get more comfortable feeling empowered.

Here are some responses for preschoolers and primary gradeschoolers:

  • If you keep doing that, my mom won’t let me play with you anymore
  • We’re not supposed to be doing that / looking at that / saying things like that
  • That’s inappropriate
  • We’re both going to get sent to the Principal’s office if you keep doing that
  • That’s not safe; I’m getting our teacher/my mom / my dad / my caretaker
  • Let’s do something else/or “I’m going to do something else” and then walk away

5th-7th grade

In 5th grade and middle school, your children could be exposed to games and images that are inappropriate on laptops, tablets, and phones. They may need help setting boundaries with friends, so it’s still perfectly acceptable for a middle schooler to cite their parents as a reason to avoid certain websites, language or behavior. You can have your kids point their finger at you as they get used to standing in their own convictions and feeling safe in their values. At this age, they can also start to stand up for their time and integrity.

Arm your preteen with these statements to help prepare them to stand on their own:

  • If you keep watching stuff like that, my parents won’t let me invite you over
  • Let’s find something better to watch/do
  • Please don’t text me after 9 pm or I’ll get in trouble
  • I have to set my status to do not disturb while I’m doing my homework, so you won’t see me in the group text/game/on Snapchat, etc.
  • I heard about this new game [game you both agree is appropriate], let’s play that instead
  • [Friend’s name] would be hurt if they heard you say that
  • Dude, that’s not even funny

8th grade and beyond

At this age, kids have more control over their environment and may have a fair amount of peer time with no adults around. They’ll need to set their own boundaries physical and digital boundaries and know that they can just leave if they get too uncomfortable or the situation becomes too inappropriate.

At an age where kids feel constant pressure to fit in, you can help them feel confident in setting up their boundaries.

  • When you send me 20 texts in a row, I don’t respond any quicker
  • Hey, that’s just gross, don’t show me that stuff anymore
  • I’m saving myself for actual sex, so no I don’t want to watch porn with you
  • I’m taking a break from that app. Not my thing.
  • I don’t want to share a picture like that – I’d prefer to be known for my fabulous (writing/soccer playing/joke-telling/debate skill) self

For kids who are dating, frequency of digital connection is likely something they will need to negotiate and agree on. Otherwise, expectations can be very uneven. This is a path towards hurt feelings.

Setting Boundaries: Kids Sometimes Think It’s “Being Mean”

Let your kids know it’s OK and even necessary to set boundaries. When we show our children that it’s OK to have boundaries, we’re giving them the tools they need to help build their confidence in standing up for what and who they believe in. This should extend from real-world interactions into online relationships, in social media, and in online games, too. Sometimes our kids should stand up, and sometimes it’s OK just to get out.

Our children also need to know that if a conversation on social media, chat, or texting thread has veered into harassment or hateful speech, finding a way out of the conversation is imperative. They won’t want to be associated with the discussion if it becomes more public – for instance, as part of a disciplinary or legal process.

Sticking up for a friend or a teacher in your own social circle makes sense. Taking on a public mob for their racist or homophobic comments in a digital setting may not make sense – there are often better ways to contribute to the conversation.

What Works for You and Your Family?

What kinds of conversations have you had with your kids? Do you have any other scripts your kids use that have worked well? Let everyone hear it in the comments below – or here in my Community Discussion Group for Parents on Facebook.

8Dec2017
Kids Development, Parenting Tips
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December 8, 2017

Via No Sidebar: Less really is more: How to parent like a minimalist

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had big ideas. I wanted to give my children the world. Like most new parents, I had the best of intentions.

Every generation wants to give their children more than they had themselves. My intention was no different—I wanted to give my children more. More love. More protection. More opportunities. More toys.

More, more, more.

This desire for more was rooted in love.

After I had children and they began to grow, there was a shift. This desire for more became rooted in fear.

If I didn’t play with them enough, would they be happy? If I didn’t stand at least two foot from them at all times on the playground, would they fall? If I didn’t land a spot in a top preschool, would their education be impacted?

In the words of Erin Loechner, “No one ever told me how much fear is hidden in love.”

All this fear, camouflaged as love, quickly started to take a toll on me. Trying to be everything and do everything for my children left me depleted.

My desire to give my children more left me feeling less.

Less energy. Less joy. Less calm.

Then I found Minimalism.

Minimalism is more than just getting rid of all your stuff (although I am on that bandwagon too). It’s about filtering out the noise to focus your energy on what’s important.

Families of today have noisy lives. I know this in my personal life, but also in my professional life. I have a Ph.D. in Child Development with a specialty in Family Wellness. I work with families to find calm amongst the noise.

In families, the calm lies in balancing the needs of each individual while simultaneously tightening the strings that hold them all together.

Sounds tricky, right?

How to Parent Like a Minimalist

Fortunately minimalism has a secret formula for parents: Less is More. Here are some lessons I’ve learned on my journey toward a simpler family life:

1. Hover less and your children will live more.

We spend so much time protecting our children, we forget to let them live. When we hover over them and perseverate over safety, our fears can undermine a child’s confidence. These fears rob them of their independence. Instead of hovering, let’s instill a sense of responsibility and natural curiosity for the world.

Allow your children to live life to the fullest. Even if that means climbing to the top of the jungle gym without a spotter.

2. Entertain less and your children will innovate more.

In many ways, Pinterest is a trap. The abundance of art, craft, and activity ideas that abound leave us feeling as though we need to do more to entertain our kids. Wouldn’t it be easy if we could just flip a switch and provide unlimited entertainment for our kids?

Oh wait, we can. It’s called screen time.

When we provide endless varieties of entertainment for our children, we leave them with very little opportunity to create and explore new ideas on their own.

So hear me out: Follow my lead and skip the Pinterest activities. Then cut back on the screen time. Let kids be bored. Give them space. The innovation that results will astound you.

3. Schedule less and your children will rest more.

As humans, we need to rest our bodies and minds. This is particularly true of small bodies that are growing and maturing rapidly. Research show us that childhood anxiety is a rising epidemic in this generation. A child who grows up with anxiety is significantly more likely to be plagued with mental health challenges throughout their adult years.

Do you know what our children need? Rest.

Do you know what we need? Rest.

Stop making rest a luxury—make rest a priority. The mental and physical health of your family depends on it.

4. Referee less and your children will problem solve more.

As parents, we wear many hats. One hat we need to hang up is that of the referee. Parents have the tendency to jump in and solve any disputes and challenges that children come across. It’s easier to be the referee than watch two kids awkwardly settle their own disagreement. It’s easier to be jump in and help than wait ten minutes for a kid to fumble through shoe tying.

After you hang up that hat, get comfortable sitting on the sidelines in silence. Kids need a lot of practice to learn how to problem solve—so let’s give them many chances to do it for themselves.

5. Buy less and your children will seek more.

Research shows that clutter is associated with higher levels of stress in families. Have you yelled at your kids to clean up their rooms recently? If your home has less inside, it is easier to clean up. It is easier to take good care of fewer things.

You know what doesn’t have a long-term impact on a child happiness? The latest hit toy. Buy your children less, and as a result, they will be able to better filter out the noise and focus on the important things.

Studies tell us that family vacations and togetherness have a long term impact on a child’s happiness. Let’s teach our children to value “stuff” less and experiences more.

What are you doing less of to help your kids get more out of life?

6Dec2017
Kids Development, Parenting Tips
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December 6, 2017

MAma speaks:

Personally, I feel it’s a balance between positive reinforcement and tough love. They need to know that their actions have consequences.

Via Moultrie News: Teacher to Parent – Positive reinforcement doesn’t work in the long run

Q. My third grade son recently came home in tears saying he didn’t want to go to school anymore because he was punished for talking during silent reading. The teacher kept him in from recess. I think this is horrible. It isn’t a teacher’s job to destroy a child’s love for school. Instead of constant punishment for every little infraction, what about using positive reinforcement?

A. He was in tears for having to miss recess? Ah, sweet innocence of youth. Let’s hope he never gets a really tough consequence. Or a boss. Or a job.

I don’t see what the teacher did as either horrible or tear-inducing. My advice would be to have a conversation with your third-grader on the topic of “coping skills.” Because if being kept out of recess has destroyed his love for school, I shudder to think what’s in store when he gets to algebra.

“Positive reinforcement” is a polarizing topic among teachers. Many of my elementary school colleagues tell me it works very well. I’ll take their word for it. But I’ll tell you something that doesn’t work in middle and high school: positive reinforcement.

I’m not saying it’s all bad, of course. Compliments and certain rewards are very good for the spirit. I’m talking specifically about the widespread use of extrinsic rewards as a means of instilling good conduct.

One problem is that the rewards for good behavior can’t keep pace with children’s changing desires. I remember in first grade being highly motivated to get a colorful little handmade award every week. Can you imagine that kind of thing being a serious inducement for a kid who just got 48 “likes” on his latest Instagram post?

At a certain point, all of our little trinkets, tchotchkes, gewgaws, kickshaws, and surcees just can’t match up to the thrill of clipping your friend in the back of the head with a stinger, socializing with the girl next to you during a history lecture, or chillin’ in the hallway while everyone else is in class. The “positive reward” would need some serious bank behind it to seduce eighth graders into glorious conformity en masse.

I had an education professor who once told the story of an old man who was annoyed by some teenagers who walked home every day by cutting through his yard and stomping on his grass. They ignored his yelling, so one day he decided to try positive reinforcement in reverse. He offered the kids a dollar for every day they walked across his lawn. The kids were happy to do it, especially since they had already been doing it anyway, and for a month, the man made good on his bargain. One day he suddenly stopped paying them and called the deal off. The kids became so disgusted that they refused to walk on his lawn ever again.

That’s what tends to happen to positive reinforcement when extrinsic rewards are removed. The behavior you want to maintain doesn’t always stick. It was tied to a reward. Now untethered, it’s free to do whatever it wants. If a kid was earning a candy hit for keeping his locker neat, it’s likely that his locker will go to rot as soon as the sugar train stops rolling.

And that leads us to a second problem: Schools shouldn’t prepare kids for a world that doesn’t exist. In real life, citizens aren’t rewarded extrinsically for being good citizens. You don’t get a bonus check for paying your taxes on time. Cops don’t pull you over and hand you a $50 gift certificate for going the speed limit. Nobody throws you a pizza party for not firebombing your neighbors.

In real life there are many things we do simply because they’re the right things to do. Does anyone remember the adage “Virtue is its own reward”? For our children’s benefit, we should bring it back into vogue.

As for the recess thing, it’s not that every school infraction deserves a punishment. It’s that children should learn that actions have consequences. Your son has learned that boys who read when it’s time to read have the freedom to go play at recess, and those who want to talk at the wrong time lose that freedom. That’s basically how it works in the real world, right?

Are there some people who don’t rob banks because they’re afraid of losing their freedom? Sure, and I’m okay with that. Ideally, though, people don’t rob banks because it’s the wrong thing to do. Most of us are probably in that category. Even if we knew we could “get away with it,” we still wouldn’t rob banks because it’s morally wrong. And that’s what we should be teaching our kids.

But do you know anyone who wouldn’t rob a bank solely because their name would be entered in a drawing for a free set of Beats by Dre? I don’t. But get ready because that may very well be the future if we don’t get back to the paired basics of teaching students that virtue is its own reward and that bad actions have bad consequences.

So if it were my child who came home crying that he hated school because he lost recess for talking during reading time, I’d firmly inform him that tomorrow he should stop talking and read. And if he hates school because they took away his recess, he’d better get ready to hate home, too, because if he disobeys the teacher again, there will be consequences here as well.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pay some kids to get on my lawn.

1Dec2017
Kids Development, Parenting Tips
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December 1, 2017

Via Los Angeles Times: 5 Tips for Teaching Kids to Embrace Risk Taking

Every child learns best when they have the courage to explore, to ask, “what if…?” and to take small risks. By creating and testing their ideas without fear, by constantly remaking and remodeling, they are paving the way for a breakthrough moment. It is important for parents and teachers to embrace this discovery and uncertainty both in the classroom and at home to develop a child’s confidence and ability to persevere.

These five tips will help you support the children in your life and encourage them to explore, try new things and follow their curiosity.

1) Try and try again.

Serve as a role model and be willing to take risks and make mistakes yourself. Show children that it is okay to try something and then switch directions if it doesn’t work. Embrace and teach iteration from the engineering design process, as kids are encouraged to try several things and keep working and reworking toward the best possible solution.

2) Design. Test. Modify.

Presenting kids with open-ended problems is a great way to encourage risk taking. Rather than having them work toward something with one, concrete answer, encourage them to “Design, test and modify and keep working to find the best solution, not just the first solution,” says Jennifer Nash of LEGO Education, an organization that has decades of experience providing students with playful, hands-on learning experiences that foster the “Design. Test. Modify.” mentality.

3) Facilitate, don’t demonstrate.

When you do something and tell kids to mirror your actions, you are teaching nothing but repetition. Instead, give them the tools they need to solve the problem, but let them go through a trial-and-error process on their own to reach the solution.

4) Embrace the journey, not the destination.

 

Encourage kids to talk about how they got to a solution, not just what they created. What did they try that worked, and what did not? What did they learn throughout the process? By framing each step as a learning opportunity, it removes the pressure of reaching one final, correct answer and will make them more likely to take smart risks in the future.

5) Take time to reflect.

Failure can be disheartening, especially for a young child. Rather than dwelling on the negative, make sure you are encouraging kids to take time to reflect when things do not go as planned. When kids look at failures as learning opportunities, they will not be afraid to take risks to achieve success.

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