Kids Development | Energise Kids

21Oct2017

Putting the brakes on kids’ screen time

October 21, 2017

Via Philly.com: Putting the brakes on kids’ screen time

Screen time is serious business. It’s more than just playing games and checking social media. Digital devices give kids access to the entire universe. Parents, let alone children, have a hard time managing the constant bombardment of information and misinformation. Supervising and limiting its use is critical.

Philadelphia-based adolescent psychologist and author, Michael Bradley, Ed.D., goes even further stating, “Parents were taken by surprise when it came to video games, computers, and smartphones. This proved to be a huge mistake.” Now that we know their astounding influence, it’s time for parents to, “take back control.”

Easier said than done!

My advice for parents is to remain confident that limiting screen time is necessary for the physical and mental wellbeing of your children. It will be worth the time, effort, battles, and constant surveillance. Your children’s futures may depend on it.

The American Academy of Pediatrics says:

“What’s most important is that parents be their child’s media mentor. That means teaching them how to use it as a tool to create, connect, and learn.”

For parents, that also means setting rules and sticking by them. Where to begin?

Start with a frank discussion about why you’re doing this and how critically important it is. Tell your kids that you don’t let them ride in a car without a seatbelt, drink, or take unprescribed drugs, and you won’t let them use digital devices without supervision and restrictions.

In order to do this, the AAP recommends that parents and caregivers develop a family media plan taking into account the health, education and entertainment needs of each child as well as the whole family.

“Families should proactively think about their children’s media use and talk with children about it, because too much media use can mean that children don’t have enough time during the day to play, study, talk, or sleep,” said Jenny Radesky, MD, FAAP, lead author of the policy statement, “Media and Young Minds,” which focuses on infants, toddlers and pre-school children.

The AAP recommends that parents and children work together to develop individualized Media Use Plans taking into account:

an appropriate balance between screen time/online time and other activities,
setting boundaries for accessing content
guiding displays of personal information,
encouraging age-appropriate critical thinking and digital literacy,
supporting open family communication,
implementing consistent rules about media use.

To help get started, you can access the AAP’s interactive online template which is easy to complete and provides lots of opportunities for personalization.

There are also many other online contract options available which are age specific and run the gamut from short and sweet to highly specific such as:

A Family Media Contract from Common Sense Media

A Family Contract for Online Safety from Safekids.com

And no matter how complete a contract may be, you should also consider using parental controls. Common Sense Media offers the following advice:

“Even if you’ve talked to your kids about screen-time limits and responsible online behavior, it’s still really tough to manage what they do when you’re not there (and even when you are).

Parental controls can support you in your efforts to keep your kids’ Internet experiences safe, fun, and productive. But they work best when used openly and honestly in partnership with your kids — not as a stealth spying method.”

The bottom line is that a contract or a software package can’t keep your kids safe when using digital devices. The best chance for that is keeping the lines of communications open between you and your kids. Letting them know how much you love them and that keeping them safe and healthy is your number one priority.

No one said this would be easy, but it’s certainly worth the effort. So take a deep breath and get started.

18Oct2017

Kids Development, Parenting Tips

child behavior problems, child behaviour help, child psychology behaviour, kids bad behavior, kids behavior, understanding child development, understanding kids behavior

10 ways kids appear to be acting naughty but actually aren’t

October 18, 2017

Notes from MOMmy:

I always see these so called “bad behaviors” among children. We as a parent, tends to forget that our kids are still learning on handling their emotion.

Via UpWorthy: 10 ways kids appear to be acting naughty but actually aren’t

When we recognize kids’ unwelcome behaviors as reactions to environmental conditions, developmental phases, or our own actions, we can respond proactively, and with compassion.

Here are 10 ways kids may seem like they’re acting “naughty” but really aren’t. And what parents can do to help.

1. They can’t control their impulses.

Ever say to your kid, “Don’t throw that!” and they throw it anyway?

Research suggests the brain regions involved in self-control are immature at birth and don’t fully mature until the end of adolescence, which explains why developing self-control is a “long, slow process.”

A recent survey revealed many parents assume children can do things at earlier ages than child-development experts know to be true. For example, 56% of parents felt that children under the age of 3 should be able to resist the desire to do something forbidden whereas most children don’t master this skill until age 3 and a half or 4.

What parents can do: Reminding ourselves that kids can’t always manage impulses (because their brains aren’t fully developed) can inspire gentler reactions to their behavior.

2. They experience overstimulation.

We take our kids to Target, the park, and their sister’s play in a single morning and inevitably see meltdowns, hyperactivity, or outright resistance. Jam-packed schedules, overstimulation, and exhaustion are hallmarks of modern family life.

Research suggests that 28% of Americans “always feel rushed” and 45% report having “no excess time.” Kim John Payne, author of “Simplicity Parenting,” argues that children experience a “cumulative stress reaction” from too much enrichment, activity, choice, and toys. He asserts that kids need tons of “down time” to balance their “up time.”

What parents can do: When we build in plenty of quiet time, playtime, and rest time, children’s behavior often improves dramatically.

3. Kids’ physical needs affect their mood.

Ever been “hangry” or completely out of patience because you didn’t get enough sleep? Little kids are affected tenfold by such “core conditions” of being tired, hungry, thirsty, over-sugared, or sick.

Kids’ ability to manage emotions and behavior is greatly diminished when they’re tired. Many parents also notice a sharp change in children’s behavior about an hour before meals, if they woke up in the night, or if they are coming down with an illness.

What parents can do: Kids can’t always communicate or “help themselves” to a snack, a Tylenol, water, or a nap like adults can. Help them through routines and prep for when that schedule might get thrown off.

Image via iStock

4. They can’t tame their expression of big feelings.

As adults, we’ve been taught to tame and hide our big emotions, often by stuffing them, displacing them, or distracting from them. Kids can’t do that yet.

What parents can do: Early-childhood educator Janet Lansbury has a great phrase for when kids display powerful feelings such as screaming, yelling, or crying. She suggests that parents “let feelings be” by not reacting or punishing kids when they express powerful emotions. (Psst: “Jane the Virgin” actor Justin Baldoni has some tips on parenting through his daughter’s grocery store meltdown.)

5. Kids have a developmental need for tons of movement.

“Sit still!” “Stop chasing your brother around the table!” “Stop sword fighting with those pieces of cardboard!” “Stop jumping off the couch!”

Kids have a developmental need for tons of movement. The need to spend time outside, ride bikes and scooters, do rough-and-tumble play, crawl under things, swing from things, jump off things, and race around things.

What parents can do: Instead of calling a child “bad” when they’re acting energetic, it may be better to organize a quick trip to the playground or a stroll around the block.

6. They’re defiant.

Every 40- and 50-degree day resulted in an argument at one family’s home. A first-grader insisted that it was warm enough to wear shorts while mom said the temperature called for pants. Erik Erikson’s model posits that toddlers try to do things for themselves and that preschoolers take initiative and carry out their own plans.

What parents can do: Even though it’s annoying when a child picks your tomatoes while they’re still green, cuts their own hair, or makes a fort with eight freshly-washed sheets, they’re doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing — trying to carry out their own plans, make their own decisions, and become their own little independent people. Understanding this and letting them try is key.

7. Sometimes even their best traits can trip them up.

It happens to all of us — our biggest strengths often reflect our weaknesses. Maybe we’re incredibly focused, but can’t transition very easily. Maybe we’re intuitive and sensitive but take on other people’s negative moods like a sponge.

Kids are similar: They may be driven in school but have difficulty coping when they mess up (e.g., yelling when they make a mistake). They may be cautious and safe but resistant to new activities (e.g., refusing to go to baseball practice). They may live in the moment but aren’t that organized (e.g., letting their bedroom floor become covered with toys).

What parents can do: Recognizing when a child’s unwelcome behaviors are really the flip side of their strengths — just like ours — can help us react with more understanding.

Image via iStock

8. Kids have a fierce need for play.

Your kid paints her face with yogurt, wants you to chase her and “catch her” when you’re trying to brush her teeth, or puts on daddy’s shoes instead of her own when you’re racing out the door. Some of kids’ seemingly “bad” behaviors are what John Gottman calls “bids” for you to play with them.

Kids love to be silly and goofy. They delight in the connection that comes from shared laughter and love the elements of novelty, surprise, and excitement.

What parents can do: Play often takes extra time and therefore gets in the way of parents’ own timelines and agendas, which may look like resistance and naughtiness even when it’s not. When parents build lots of playtime into the day, kids don’t need to beg for it so hard when you’re trying to get them out the door.

9. They are hyperaware and react to parents’ moods.

Multiple research studies on emotional contagion have found that it only takes milliseconds for emotions like enthusiasm and joy, as well as sadness, fear, and anger, to pass from person to person, and this often occurs without either person realizing it. Kids especially pick up on their parents’ moods. If we are stressed, distracted, down, or always on the verge of frustrated, kids emulate these moods. When we are peaceful and grounded, kids model off that instead.

What parents can do: Check in with yourself before getting frustrated with your child for feeling what they’re feeling. Their behavior could be modeled after your own tone and emotion.

10. They struggle to respond to inconsistent limits.

At one baseball game, you buy your kid M&Ms. At the next, you say, “No, it’ll ruin your dinner,” and your kid screams and whines. One night you read your kids five books, but the next you insist you only have time to read one, and they beg for more. One night you ask your child, “What do you want for dinner?” and the next night you say, “We’re having lasagna, you can’t have anything different,” and your kids protest the incongruence.

When parents are inconsistent with limits, it naturally sets off kids’ frustration and invites whining, crying, or yelling.

What parents can do: Just like adults, kids want (and need) to know what to expect. Any effort toward being 100% consistent with boundaries, limits, and routines will seriously improve children’s behavior.

17Oct2017

Kids Development, Parenting Tips

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5 Ways to Teach a Kid How to Wait

October 17, 2017

Notes from MOMmy:

I shall try these tips on my kids. Let me know what happens after you practice these tips.

Via Bright Side: 5 Ways to Teach a Kid How to Wait

Not every adult is able to wait patiently, to say nothing of kids. But there are methods that can help you develop self-control and not die of boredom — without resorting to any gadgets at that.
We at Bright Side were surprised when we discovered that’s even possible. Yet here’s more proof that true genius lies in simplicity.

5. Visualize time

Children start to develop abstract thinking around the age of 9. Before that, their mind works in a more concrete way, which is the reason why it might be hard for them to tell the difference between 15 and 45 minutes. To bypass that, it’s useful to visualize time whenever possible.

Wrong: “We’re leaving in an hour.“ ”You have 10 minutes to put your toys away.“

Correct: “Dad will be home from work when the sun goes down behind that roof over there.”

Waiting will not be so excruciating for a child if he or she can make a comparison like ”Oh, this’ll be as quick as brushing my teeth.”

4. Teach your kids games they can play alone

There are several reasons why playing alone is important for children. One of them is being able to entertain themselves anywhere and anytime. Children’s imaginations have no boundaries, and these games do not require any preparation or special objects.

Wrong kind of games: Smartphone or tablet games hinder the development of imagination and creativeness (the course and result of the game being predetermined by its developer).

Right kind of games: Jigsaw puzzles, treasure hunts, making up fairy tales, role-playing, etc.

There are several ways to teach a child to play independently, and the results will exceed all expectations if you arm yourself with patience.

3. A lifesaving game for public places

It’s always boring for children to wait until the bus arrives or mom comes back from the shop. For these occasions, there is an excellent way to divert their attention.

The game: Two participants make a wish and agree on a feature they will look for in the surrounding objects (color, shape, first letter of a name). The one who is first to count 20 (or any other number) objects with the chosen feature wins and has the right to demand the fulfillment of his or her wish. For instance, you can count passing cars while waiting at a bus stop or signs while traveling.

What’s the trick: Firstly, this is a very addictive game which also allows you to adjust the rules depending on the child’s age. Secondly, a parent doesn’t have to actively participate since children usually count for two.

2. A simple way to not interrupt adults

Allison Hendrix is a blogger and mother of two whose Interrupt Rule blew up the Internet with its simplicity and brilliance.

The rule: When a child wants to say something while their parent is talking to someone else, they should just put their hand on their parent’s arm or shoulder. If the parent touches their hand in response, it means that the child has been “heard” and will be attended to as soon as possible.

Why it works: By maintaining contact the adult makes it clear that the child is being treated with respect and not ignored.

1. Waiting for big events (birthday, Christmas)

Even if children learn to not interrupt adults and have fun on their own, it is still difficult for them to wait for important dates (Christmas, birthday, vacations, and so on).

How to help: An Advent calendar can help make the wait shorter. Each day before the upcoming date is marked by postcards with wishes or creative tasks, little sacks with presents, or packets of candies. Any of these options will be enjoyed by children of all ages: they all love surprises, after all.

16Oct2017

Self Esteem In Children

encouraging words for children, growth mindset for kids, how to praise kids, how to raise successful kids, parenting advice, parenting tips, words of encouragement for kids

Want to Raise Successful Kids? Science Says Praise Them Like This

October 16, 2017

Notes from MOMmy:

Interesting article. Let’s raise our kids to have a growth mindset.

Via Inc: Want to Raise Successful Kids? Science Says Praise Them Like This (but Most Parents Do the Opposite)

What if I were to tell you that you could increase the odds that your kids will achieve great success in life–maybe greater success than you’ve had–simply by making a small change in how you praise them and talk about achievement?

It turns out, you can. What’s more, this change flies in the face of almost everything we’ve been told by so-called experts about raising successful kids–at least for the past 15 years or more.

It’s all about how we praise our kids for their accomplishments. An emerging and exciting body of research on the subject suggests several key things we might not have realized otherwise:

Praising kids merely for their innate abilities, such as their intelligence, actually makes it less likely that they’ll grow up to enjoy learning and to excel.
Praising kids instead for the strategies and processes they develop to solve problems–even when they don’t fully succeed–makes them more likely to try harder and ultimately achieve.
And–perhaps the kicker–the effects of these praise strategies can be quantified even when we’re talking about children as young as 1 to 3 years of age. (So once again, my 15-month-old daughter will get the benefit of something I’ve learned while writing for Inc.!)

As you might imagine, this would mean that the so-called experts who told us to praise our kids endlessly (part of the “everyone gets a participation trophy” movement) were dead wrong. (I’ve written a lot this subject at Inc. and put together a free e-book: How to Raise Successful Kids.)

How does it all work? We’ll talk below about two studies involving school-age children, both led by Carol Dweck, a professor of psychology at Stanford University. First, however, let’s examine the difference between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset, which underlies the whole thing.

Fixed vs. growth mindset

This is really what this research is all about–teaching kids to develop growth mindsets rather than fixed mindsets.

When it comes to beliefs about human achievement, a fixed mindset is the belief that intelligence, for example, is almost entirely innate. Either you’re born with great smarts and the ability to achieve, or you’re not.

A growth mindset, on the other hand, is the belief that achievement (again, for our purposes in the intellectual realm) is much more variable, and that intelligence and problem-solving abilities can be developed over time.

You might summarize the whole thing by thinking of Albert Einstein, Dweck suggests. A person with a fixed mindset might say, “Einstein was brilliant.” A person with a growth mindset might observe that Einstein solved some incredibly difficult problems.

As for teaching growth mindsets, writer Angie Aker summarized Dweck’s work and put it like this on Upworthy: “Praise your child explicitly for how capable they are of learning rather than telling them how smart they are.”

The seventh-graders

Back to Dweck’s research. A few years ago, she and her team took 373 middle school students, and identified those who exhibited fixed mindsets and those who exhibited growth mindsets.

Then, the followed them for two years–from the start of seventh grade to the end of eighth grade. The dichotomy was stark.

“By the end of the first term, their grades jumped apart and continued to diverge over the next two years. The only thing that differed was their mindsets,” Dweck said in a video. As you might expect, the ones who exhibited growth mindsets achieved more than their classmates who had fixed mindsets.

Dweck said she has identified several key differences between the two types of students.

1. Goals

Students with a fixed mindset had one goal in mind: “Look smart at all times and at all costs.” That meant they worked to avoid any task that might show they weren’t as smart as they thought they were.

Students with a growth mindset, on the other hand, didn’t care if their mistakes were revealed to their peers; they saw this as inevitable and nothing to be ashamed of, because their goal was to “learn at all times and at all costs.”

2. Attitudes toward effort and failure

Students with a fixed mindset viewed effort and failure as bad things, because the mere fact that someone worked hard or came up short demonstrated (to them) that the person didn’t have innate ability. Growth-mindset students, on the other hand, believed that effort was what was required to unlock ability.

Dweck says the notion that effort is a bad thing “is one of the worst beliefs that anyone can have.”

3. Boredom and difficulty

Students who demonstrated a fixed mindset were far more likely to complain of being bored in school, Dweck found. They seemed to get into a cycle in which they used boredom as a cover to suggest why they wouldn’t try things that they found difficult; in the process they actually became bored.

Growth-mindset students, on the other hand, looked at schoolwork as a series of challenges and puzzles to figure out. They were also less likely to complain that a teacher, or a course, or another external factor, was responsible if they had difficulty.

The 11-year-olds

All of this is great, but if you’re a parent, you likely want to explore not just why a growth mindset is advantageous, but also how to encourage your kids to develop that kind of attitude. Fortunately, Dweck has a study for that, too.

She and her team divided a group of 11-year-olds into three groups, and gave each of them a fairly easy but age-appropriate intelligence test. At the end, they praised each of the kids in one of three ways:

They praised one group for their innate intelligence
They praised one group for the processes they came up with to solve the test
They praised a third group, as a control, for a passing score, without mentioning either their intelligence or the process they had used.

Results? The first part won’t surprise you. Praising their intelligence put kids into a fixed mindset. Praising their effort and process, on the other hand, pushed them into a growth mindset.

But Dweck said things actually went further: “The most astonishing thing to us was that praising intelligence turned kids off to learning.”

The babies and a few examples

So, how early is too early to start praising strategies and processes over innate ability? Very early, according to Dweck. In fact, her research shows that the way mothers praise babies as young as 1 to 3 years in age can predict the child’s “mindset and desire for challenge five years later.”

(Dweck says that after conducting her research, she’s been known to interrupt moms she’s seen in airports telling their babies that they’re geniuses.)

So what should you do instead? Here are a couple of ideas. Instead of praising a child for solving a puzzle or accomplishing an easy goal, Dweck suggests saying something like, “I’m sorry I wasted your time. Let’s do something hard–something you can learn from.”

Or, instead of asking your kids at dinner how school was today, go around the table and ask everyone to share a story of how they struggled with something. (You have to share, too!)

4Oct2017

Kids Development, Self Esteem In Children

building confidence in children, confident kids, how to improve child confidence, how to increase confidence in child, how to increase self esteem in a child, how to make a child confident, self esteem in children

10 Simple Ways to Make Kids Feel More Confident

October 4, 2017

Notes from MOMmy:

I hope this article will answer some of the questions that you have about building confidence in your child.

Via Parenting: 10 Simple Ways to Make Kids Feel More Confident

We spend countless hours as parents trying to make sure our kids are behaving, eating their dinner, and doing their homework. But how often do we take the time to focus on building their self-confidence? Here are 10 simple ways to do just that.

“Let me help you,” I said to my son, as I bent over to tie his shoes for him…or the first time he tried pouring his own drink…or when my crawling, infant daughter struggled to reach a toy, even though it was within her reach.

I used to help my kids all the time before they even asked for any sort of assistance. And I’m not alone. I know many parents whose instinct is to “help” their children. But at what point is an outstretched hand holding them back rather than letting them move forward on their own?

When I analyzed my approach with my children, I worried that I was failing to lay the groundwork for them to be independent and capable adults. And I realized what I really needed to help them with was building their confidence. So I came up with these strategies to instill confidence in my young children that will hopefully yield confident, secure adults:

1. Never laugh at their ideas, no matter how outlandish they are.

Like adults, kids want to be taken seriously. When they get the sense they’re being mocked (or laughed at, to their face), their instinct is to get angry, shut down, and not share more ideas for fear of more of the same treatment. After all, kids naturally see the world through a different lens than we do. You might be surprised what you hear once you show your child that you’re listening and that you take their ideas seriously.

2. Put them in unfamiliar social situations.

My 6-year-old expressed a legitimate interest in football, so I invited him to come with me to a friend’s Super Bowl party. No other children were coming, and I made him aware of that. He hesitated for a moment, but then agreed to join me. At the party, it was clear he wasn’t completely comfortable and was unsure how to act, especially since he only knew me and the host. But after a while, he was talking about “Star Wars” and lounging on the couch like one of the guys. The only way to establish a level of comfort is to first experience discomfort.

3. Have them learn to play a musical instrument.

While I don’t believe in forcing your own personal interests or hobbies on your children, playing an instrument yields too many positive results for it to be ignored. Once they’ve reached an age where they’re dextrally and mentally capable, learning to play an instrument not only relieves stress (yes, kids have stress, too) but it can also boost self-esteem in a major way.

4. Include them in the kitchen.

Yes, most kids are far more interested in the eating rather than the preparing of foods, but you’ll be surprised by how much one experience can turn things around. One morning we asked our son to be the “assistant chef” when we were preparing blueberry pancakes. Many mornings later, he now often insists on being involved in the kitchen, and he’s always incredibly proud of the end product.

5. Celebrate their successes.

I’m not talking about giving them a gold star every time they eat a carrot. I’m not an “every kid gets a trophy” believer. But in my experience, children react favorably to receiving praise for going above and beyond—naturally, anyone does. However, it’s even more important to show children that extra effort will yield benefits in order to instill the idea within them that they’re capable of greatness and that hard work pays dividends.

6. Have them teach you something.

Very little empowers a child more than having them believe they know something you don’t. A beginner’s card trick, a scale on the piano, or anything that positions them as the subject matter expert will work. Encourage them to share their knowledge (without bragging) with you and others. Odds are they’ll be brimming with confidence with their head held high.

7. Enable their creativity.

I’ve found that most people don’t think they’re creative because they were never encouraged to be. I once overheard my wife reading to my son, and she stopped turning the pages and simply asked him, “What do you think should happen next?” His eyes lit up. Simple questions like this are what awaken a part of the brain that might otherwise sit dormant.

8. Show confidence in your own actions.

This one seems intuitive, but often gets overlooked. Whether we know it or not, we’re our child’s most pronounced role model. So, how can we expect our kids to have confidence when we’re the ones they look up to and we don’t even have it?

9. Make them talk about their problems.

If you have a 7-year-old who recently started throwing a fit every time you make eye contact with her, odds are it’s for a reason. The easy, instinctive thing to do is to punish her and be done with it. The more forward-thinking approach also includes sitting down afterward to talk and figuring out the exact reason for the anger (or what I like to call “The Danny Tanner Method,” you know, from “Full House”?). It lets them know you’ll actually listen to them, which provides a certain stability within a household that children need in order to feel secure.

10. Let them fail.

While success is pretty easy to deal with, learning to cope with failure is no easy task, especially when you’re not used to it. And in order to get used to it, you simply have to experience it, time and time again. It doesn’t come naturally to me, but I let my kids fail sometimes—while trying to build Legos or attempting to ride a bike without training wheels. It may anger them at first, but as Ann Landers said, “It’s not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.”

28Sep2017

Kids Development

gifted and talented kids, gifted children, is my child gifted, parenting a gifted child, signs of a gifted child, signs of a gifted child 4 year old, talented kids

5 Ways to help your children find their gifts and talents

September 28, 2017

Notes from MAma:

Sometimes we tend to channel our childhood passion, success or dreams to our children. A good read to remind us that our role as parents.

Via The Momiverse: 5 Ways to help your children find their gifts and talents

My son Ian recently found a new program called Google Sketch Up. It was a free download that enabled him to learn how to design 3D pictures of houses and buildings. Ian started developing a passion for houses a couple of years ago, and he has been drawing one dimensional house plans for about a year.

After we downloaded Google Sketch Up, we watched a few beginner tutorials together so he could learn some basics of the program. I told him to practice and design his first house for me. I can barely describe to you the excitement he felt when he completed his first house. He literally jumped into my arms and gave me a big hug. He was so incredibly proud of what he had accomplished.

Helping your children tap into their passions and their talents is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children. It helps your children connect to the essence of who God designed them to be. There is no greater self esteem booster than to know who you are, and be passionate about what you have to offer the world.

As youngsters, it’s not always that easy to know what their gifts and passions are. Here are five ways to help make that process simpler.

Expose your children to a variety of different activities

Do your best not to limit your children to what is comfortable and familiar to you. If you grew up playing sports, it’s natural to get your children involved in sports, but that may not be their interest or gift. Try other activities as well. Search your local community for activities that may be available. Open your mind and your child’s mind to lots of possibilities. Jackie Evancho’s parents had no idea she was a talented opera singer until they took her to see The Phantom of the Opera. Jackie’s passion to sing, mixed with her amazing talent, grew from one choice to go see a movie in the theater.

Stay tuned into your child’s world

Listen to whatever your children might be telling you regarding their interests. Children will talk incessantly about what interests them. Even if it doesn’t interest you, listen anyway. I bet I know more about exotic cars than most moms out there.

And listen to what your children are saying about what they don’t like. If they don’t like sports or music, they have given you valuable information about themselves. Listen to the subtle clues you receive as well. A child that loathes practicing music is probably not very interested in playing an instrument.

My son Kai hated practicing his saxophone, and eventually he stopped playing. But he loves music. Today he expresses his music through DJing. He has a mixing board, and he will spend hours mixing songs and playing music. You don’t have to ask him to practice that. He does it because he loves it.

Encourage your child’s gifts and passions

I have heard so many stories of parents throwing a wet blanket over their child’s dreams because they didn’t see the dream as a viable option in life. Don’t be the one to squelch your child’s dreams and passions.

Even if their passions seem so unrealistic, let them dream and follow their heart. You don’t know where God will lead them. My older son Kai wanted to be a professional baseball player for years. He was talented, but not talented enough. We continued to encourage him, but eventually he realized on his own that his dream would not happen.

Today, he is still passionate about sports and wants to be an orthopedic surgeon. We have yet to see where God is going to lead him.

Don’t be afraid to let something go

Your child may try different activities for awhile, and then decide he or she doesn’t like them. Even if your child excels at an activity, it is okay to let that activity go. Unless you notice a chronic habit of starting and stopping, it is totally okay to try things out and find out it’s not your cup of tea.

Tell your child he needs to finish out the activity or the semester, and then he can quit. This shows your children that they need to keep a commitment that they make, and not waste money. Finish up the activity, with no questions or pressure, and move on.

Let your child take the lead

It’s always a good idea to let your child take the lead when it comes to choosing her passions and talents. Your role is to be her coach or guide. You can make suggestions based on what you are seeing and hearing from your child. You can encourage your child’s talents and passions and expose your child to different activities. However, it’s up to your child to know whether he wants to participate on a long term basis or not.

Each of your children is a unique individual, designed perfectly by God. They have their own set of talents and passions that will grow, and eventually be a gift given to this world in some fashion. Unless your child finds what makes her uniquely her, she will not be happy and living a life of fulfillment and purpose.

As parents, it is a gift to help our children find their talents and passions.

26Sep2017

Kids Development, Study Tips For Kids

add study tips, adhd help, adhd homework tips, adhd management, attention deficit disorder

10 Homework & Study Tips For Students With ADHD/ADD

September 26, 2017

Via Oxford Learning: 10 Homework & Study Tips For Students With ADHD/ADD

Every child will likely have trouble with homework at some point. But for children with ADD and ADHD, the problem can go beyond a few assignments. Among other things, children with ADD and ADHD face challenges with focusing, patience, and organizing. These challenges can make it hard for students to perform to the best of their potential in, and out of, the classroom.

Helping Yout child Tackle ADD/ADHD and Homework

Children with ADD and ADHD can be hasty, rushing through their homework and making mistakes. They may lose homework, struggle to organize thoughts and tasks, and fail to plan ahead.

The challenges your child faces can be overcome with practiced habits and proper study skills for ADD/ADHD students. With these 10 ADD/ADHD homework tips, your child can learn how to focus on homework with ADD/ADHD and achieve success in the classroom.

Study Strategies For ADHD & ADD

1. Create a Homework-only Space

Children with ADD and ADHD can be easily distracted by their surroundings. Find a comfortable place where your child can work with few distractions. Use this as a quiet study space away from noise and movement where your child can clear his or her mind and focus.

Homework Tip:

Don’t do homework in the bedroom. The bedroom is a place for sleep, rest, and relaxation — not work and stress.

2. Create a consistent Schedule

It is important for kids with ADD/ADHD to have a consistent routine. This will help your child start his or her homework and focus. Set a time each day for your child to sit down and complete his or her work.

3. Study in Spurts

ADD and ADHD can make it hard to focus, so breaks are a must. Studying in short spurts can help. Give your child regular breaks from homework for a snack or a walk, and let the mind refresh and reset! This will give your child a chance to burn off extra energy and improve concentration when he or she returns.

4. Get The Teacher Involved

It’s hard to always know what is happening with your child at school. Talking to his or her teacher can help make sure you’re informed. Ask the teacher about sending regular reports on your child and updates on homework assignments. If possible, meet with them every few weeks and for progress reports. Knowing what is going on in the classroom can help you and your child’s teacher make changes to make sure your child is learning effectively.

5. Get Organized

Organize school supplies and make checklists and schedules for homework and assignments. Help your child get his or her bag ready for school the next morning and make sure all homework is complete. You can make organization fun for your child with coloured folders, special pencils, stickers and cool labels.

6. Show Support

Encourage your child to always try his or her best. Although your child should be completing his or her work independently, it is okay to help when asked. Help your child look at challenges in a positive light to keep him or her motivated. This will show that you are willing to always help him or her do better.

7. Understand How Yout child Learns

Whether it is auditory, kinesthetic or visual, knowing how your child learns is important. Change studying habits to fit his or her learning style with graphs, visuals, music, walking, or talking out loud. Every child learns differently. Studying in a way that works for him or her can help improve understanding and retention.

8. Know When It’s Time To Quit

Children with ADD/ADHD can become easily frustrated and overwhelmed. Encourage your child to keep going as long as he or she can, but don’t push your child too much. If he or she has hit his or her limit, stop for the night. If homework hasn’t been completed for the following school day, send the teacher a note to explain.

9. Offer Praise and Positive Feedback

Congratulate your child after he or she finishes his or her homework. You can also do something special, like a small treat or trip to the park. Even if your child was not able to finish his or her work, praise his or her efforts and strive for a new goal the next day.

10. Move Around

Sitting for long periods of time can be challenging for students with ADD/ADHD. Letting your child get up to move around can help him or her maintain focus. Try making studying into a physical activity, where your child counts out steps when practicing math problems like addition and subtraction. Having something he or she can fidget with while doing work can also help. Stress balls are a great item your child can take with him or her wherever he or she goes.

Children Can Succeed With The Right ADD/ADHD Study Skills

Children with ADD and ADHD feel at times they cannot control their own actions. They can become easily distracted, which can lead to poor grades, frustration, and disappointment. These ADD/ADHD study tips will help your child conquer these academic challenges, with improved concentration, time management and organizational skills. Most importantly, they will also help boost self esteem and confidence.

Remember, these changes won’t happen overnight. It will take time for your child to adjust to new routines and habits. Once you, and your child, understand how to study and do homework with ADD/ADHD, your child will be on the way to more effective learning.

22Sep2017

Kids Development, Screen Time For Kids

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What You Can Do About Screen Time

September 22, 2017

Notes from MOMmy:

I would advise all parents to read this article. It’s a good guideline on how to manage our kid’s screen time.

Via HandsonOT: Why It’s So Hard to Feel Like You’re a Good Parent When It Comes to Screen Time… and What You Can Do About It

You want your kids to have healthy levels of screen time. You’ve tried.

But…

It was last week when you tried to crack down on screen time.

You went into it feeling like a good parent. You’re concerned about your kids’ healthy development and you were making a big effort.

You came out feeling awful.

The whining. The flat-out refusal that left you at a loss. The fights between bored siblings. The meltdowns.

To add insult to injury, that day you read yet another article on the dangers of screen time. Or you caught a judgmental raised eyebrow from another parent when your child had a meltdown in the grocery and you, drained and exhausted, pulled out your iPhone and handed it to him.

I’m doing the best I can! you want to shout at the world. Why do you have to keep judging, blaming and shaming me? What more am I supposed to do?!

***

It’s so hard to feel like a good parent when it comes to your kid’s screen time. You’re constantly facing flack: either from your kid, or from other people, or from your own self-criticisms.

The goal of this post is to give you security, support and realistic direction when it comes to managing your child’s screen time. You’ll come out with understanding about why it’s so hard, why that doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent, and practical tools and guidelines to make your road a little smoother.

Ready? Let’s go…

Principle #1: A parent’s need is an automatic override

If you’ve ever listened to the airplane safety instructions before takeoff, you probably recall the line:

“If the cabin loses pressure, oxygen masks will drop automatically. …Make sure to put on your own oxygen mask before helping your children or others.”

Why does that line always strike us as counter intuitive? Because our gut reaction is to take care of our children before we take care of ourselves.

Why does every airline need to put the line there? Because it’s critical to take care of ourselves before we take care of our children.

If we don’t, there won’t be anyone available to take care of our children. In either the short run (an airplane) or the long run (most other areas of life), our children will suffer.

While this post will eventually give a lot of practical strategies for helping our children reduce screen time to healthy levels, we need to start with the principle of all principles: the thing that will matter the most to your child’s healthy development in the long run is that his parent (you!) is a healthy, functioning human being.

Any principle, rule or suggestion contained within the article needs to be considered through the filter of your life and current reality.

If (for example), we recommend not having screen time in the morning before your child goes to school, but in your life right now, your child will otherwise wake you up 45 minutes before your alarm goes off, and you will be a miserable wreck all morning and all day – then letting your child have screen time in the morning so you can sleep IS the best decision you can make right now.

Will there be consequences to the screen time before school? There probably will be. Just like your child might be gasping for air for a few moments while you put on your oxygen mask. But whatever the consequences, there will be worse consequences for your child’s and your family’s overall well being if you don’t give yourself what you need to function.

So principle of principles #1 – your being able to manage life in a healthy manner is the thing that matters most, long-term, to your child’s healthy development. So if you need to deviate from a rule or recommendation in this article in order to preserve your health or sanity – DO IT!

But here comes principles of principles #2, which we need to balance out the above statement.

Principle #2: Be very careful before you classify something as a need

Parenting is a constant balance. We’re not talking about juggling the million-and-one things we need to do to keep a family going (although there’s that too) – we’re talking about balancing your needs with the needs of your children and family.

Principle #1 above was about the supreme importance of giving yourself what you need for healthy functioning – because otherwise you cannot provide your children with their needs.

But – it’s critical to be honest with ourselves as to what is a need where we cannot “stretch ourselves” beyond it, and what is an opportunity to stretch ourselves as a person.

For example, I’m trying to make dinner, and my four year old and eight year old are getting on each other’s nerves.

“Mommy – I’m trying to read a book and he’s too close to me! Tell him!” “I want to see.” “But I’m reading the book – you can’t read yet!” “I can be here too!” “Go a-WAY!” “No!” “Mommy – he hit me!” “Stop!” “MOMMY!”

I really don’t want to have to deal with it. In fact, I really, really don’t want to have to deal with it. I’ve had a long day at work. I’m tired. I’m hungry. I just want them to be quiet so that I can finish dinner, serve it, and get everyone to bed.

So here’s the key question – and one that demands a lot of honesty from me – is it that I can’t deal with it right now? Or that I really, really don’t want to deal with it?

If my day and life are such that I cannot deal with it or I will be endangering my ability to be a healthy, functioning mother for the rest of the evening, then I should probably send one – or both – of them to watch TV. That would be a healthy, wise decision here.

But if I could stretch myself to put the knife down on the chopping board, take seven minutes away from dinner prep, help them to talk out the issue, problem solve and/or find a constructive activity to do together – I’ll be teaching my kids life skills and strengthening my relationship with them and with each other.

It’s going to be hard.

Of course it’s going to be hard and not what you wanted to be doing had someone offered you a choice. “Hey – you’re tired and hungry: would you rather chop a few veggies – or mediate between two whining kids… and then chop the veggies?”

But good parenting is a challenge. Good performance at anything is a challenge – from sports to music to business. If it’s challenging, and you can stretch yourself to try anyway… that’s where the most meaningful accomplishment happens.

It’s the secret of staying in the “Learning Zone” (where you’re stretching yourself), but keeping out of the Comfort Zone (where it’s easy to handle) and not pushing yourself into the Panic Zone (where it’s far beyond your current level of ability).

If you lift weights way beyond what you can handle, you’re going to end up flat on your back in bed with a herniated disc. But if you stay with the weights that don’t leave you breaking a sweat, your muscles will never develop.

Someone who really want to grow in their strength training will embrace those weights that leave them panting and sweating and feeling that this is “almost” beyond their ability… but still possible.

A challenging balance? For sure. Worth it? Absolutely.

You’ll see the rewards – in your relationship with your children, and in your development, confidence and abilities as a parent.

Why guilt has (almost) no place here

If you keep principle #1 (make sure you’re giving yourself what you need) and principle #2 (good parenting is supposed to be a challenging, stretching experience) at the forefront of your awareness, you’ll have a much better chance of integrating all the following practical screen time advice into your life in a healthy way.

For different people the right decision will be different. Which is why judging someone else is almost always misguided.

Feeling guilty because of other people’s judgments of YOU is misplaced guilt – provided you really evaluated the situation in light of Principle #1 and #2 and truly feel this was the right decision for you and your family.

For you on different days the right decision may be different. And as you grow as a parent and a person, keeping yourself within the Learning Zone as it changes its boundaries, the right decision will certainly be different. Because you will be a different person.

With that, let’s start the practical advice you’ve been waiting for. We divided it by ages, because the effects of screen time do vary with age. More significantly, though, your control over your child and their environment varies with age – so what is relevant for younger children may not be relevant for older children.

Ready? Let’s go…

Birth and beyond: parents and screen time

Before we speak about “how to handle our children’s screen time,” let’s talk about how to handle our own. Why?

Because you are the role model for your children when it comes to living life. That includes the aspect of life known as “using screens.”

Technology is a tool. Screens are tools. They are tools that one needs in today’s world, but there needs to be a learning process if you don’t want the child to get hurt in the interim.

If a child hundreds of years ago was growing up in the home of a blacksmith (and one day would be a blacksmith himself), he would grow up learning little by little about the tools of the trade and how to use them wisely. Blacksmiths didn’t give their little two year old a hand hammer. They might have given their seven year old one, if they could teach him how to use it safely and effectively, but they didn’t hand him a sledgehammer until he was significantly older.

If somehow you were so inspired by Part 1 of this article that you wanted to cut screens out of your family’s life entirely, we’re here to tell you: don’t do that in haste.

In today’s world, if you declare your family a screen-free family, the most likely scenario is that of the child who grows up in the treat-free home and sneaks treats in the neighbor’s home.

(That’s not to say there aren’t families who live successfully and happily screen-free – and reap many benefits from it. But in order for it to work, you need to be 100% committed, and dedicated to putting in the requisite planning and effort. Even when you’re successful, there are challenges that you and your children will face in interacting and integrating into the outside “screened” world.)

Additionally, you want to make yourself a clear role model and go-to source of information on how to use the tools of technology.

Otherwise, your children will look elsewhere for guidance on the best way to use screens and screen media… and it may not be in the places you approve of.

At the same time, the position of role model and teacher carries a lot of responsibility as to our own personal conduct.

If the blacksmith does a great job instructing his protege on the rules of forge safety, but then pays no attention to those rules when he works in the forge himself, the protege will not be keeping those rules for long. Certainly not once he’s independent.

You may set clear guidelines with your children about screen time, even explaining the risks of screen media. But if your children see you constantly texting, or frequently sitting with your mobile device because “I need to relax…” or “I’m just checking the…”, the message they assimilate for life will not be all the rules and ideas you taught them.

You need to be a master craftsman if you want your child to be an apprentice.

Before you start changing your children’s use of screen media, make sure that you feel your use of screen media stands as a positive example for them. If you feel it could stand work, then start doing the work.

It doesn’t have to be perfect right away. But when your children see you working on improvement in your own life, little step after little step, that’s a very powerful message.

Ages 0-2

From birth until age 2, your child’s exposure to screen time is almost entirely dependent on you (or a caregiver, and we’ll deal with that shortly).

Children at this age do not need exposure to the tool that is technology. Their brains and visual systems are still in rapid stages of development.

What they need the most for healthy physical, emotional, intellectual and social development is interaction with human beings and with the physical world around them.

A rattle. Hugs. Dolls. Pots, pans and Tupperware containers. Tickling. Standing at the bathroom sink and playing with a cup, spoon and some soapy, bubbly water. Peek-a-boo. Riding toys. Balls. Piggy-back rides. Looking out the window.

The screen time challenge here is ours as parents, especially if we’ve come to rely on screen media for help in entertaining our children.

Plan in advance

The more activity ideas you can pull out for entertaining your child, the less likely you’ll be to reach for a screen. Thankfully, those same screens can give us as parents access to a wide range of ideas. Just Google “activities to do with a one year old” (or whatever your child’s age is) and you’ll see tons of possible activities.

It’s okay if they’re not always entertained

The sound of a crying child is super uncomfortable for any healthy parent. We’re programmed like that, to alert us, motivate us and make sure we care for the little creatures that are totally dependent on us for their needs.

But the discomfort can backfire when the child is crying because he wants something, not because he needs something.

Have you ever ended up yelling at your child, “Just stop crying already!” when he’s been wailing for ten minutes about not getting the popsicle he wanted? We’ve sure done that.

Why do we get upset? It could be because a parent has an auditory processing disorder and that crying literally sounded like jack hammering in your ear. But most likely it’s not (and you could probably deal with other noises of that decibel level for ten minutes without yelling at the source).

Instead, the crying probably triggered a subconscious reaction of “I must not be taking care of my child if he’s crying like this.” It’s the discomfort of that emotion, and not the discomfort of the crying itself, that triggered our “Stop it already!” reaction.

Next time, instead of telling your child to stop, tell yourself: “It’s okay if he cries. He’s crying because he didn’t get something he wanted. But that something isn’t good for him. So his crying is a signal that I’m being a good parent and protecting him. And I’m also teaching him the important life lesson that we don’t get everything we want.”

Once all the planned activities have been finished, and your child is still looking for entertainment, you may feel tempted to pull out the screen to entertain him. If your child is crying over the refused popsicle, you may feel tempted to pull out the screen to distract him.

Resist.

It’s okay if your child is not always entertained. It’s okay if your child cries sometimes (assuming it’s because he didn’t get what he wanted, not because he’s missing something he needs).

Letting a child deal sometimes with boredom and frustration is important for their ability to develop resilience and self-regulation.

You can (and should) certainly give them tools and ideas (“Do you want to go play with your blocks?” “Would a hug help you feel better?”) but then give them the space to grow, develop and cope with the inevitable challenges of life.

Relatives and caregivers

When your child is with you, you have control. What about when they’re not? How do you make sure your caregiver or relative isn’t undoing all the hard work you’re putting in?

There are no easy tricks, but here are some tips:

Communication is key

If your child is watched by a hired caregiver, explain your values, priorities and concerns. State clearly how much screen time you want your child exposed to (or not at all). Yes, you will need to trust that your caregiver is abiding by your wishes and not showing your baby screens after you asked her not to.

Things get trickier when it’s not a hired caregiver, but the child’s grandparent or relative who is watching him. Communication is still key (no, it’s not easy; yes, we’ve had to do it ourselves): explain your concerns and wishes, and refer to outside sources as support to explain the developmental issues. Relatives (hopefully) do want what’s best for the child’s future.

Give them help

For either hired caregivers or relatives, the more practical help you can give them, the better. If you’re making a list of activities to do with your child, share it with them! Send along special games or activities that you know will interest your child. The more interested your child is in other things, the less pressure your caretaker will feel to turn to the screen.

Ages 2-5 (Preschool)

Your preschool age child is still basically dependent on you for their screen experiences. Most nursery schools don’t hand out iPads… yet. (Once they hit elementary school the situation is different, and we’ll get to that soon.) If you’re introducing screen time at this age, do your best to keep to the 1 hour a day guideline set by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Create a true learning experience

The best learning for developing preschoolers happens when they engage with the real world. If possible, after a child watches a program on screen media, replicate whatever they watched so they can have a real-world experience to go with the screen experience.

screen time guidelines for preschool kids

If they’ve been watching a dance program, after the screen goes off, help them to make up their own dance. If the program featured baking cake, go bake a cake – or get out a bowl and spoon and pretend to bake a cake. For a preschooler, the experience will be “real” even if it was make-believe, as long as they were physically and socially involved in it.

Additionally, the more they practice playing make-believe and using their imagination, the more they will be able to initiate playing pretend on their own, giving them another tool to keep themselves entertained.

One of my (Amy) daughter’s favorite programs is Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood. After she watches the show, we do a similar activity, to enable her to translate that experience to the real world. If the show was about construction workers, we’ll put on a “construction hat” (a baseball cap), get out the blocks and become construction workers building a skyscraper. My daughter is living what she saw on the show – and the learning becomes fully integrated.

As mentioned above, this is a great suggestion to give to caretakers, grandparents or other relatives. It’s another idea for an activity to do with the child, and they can feel good that they’re contributing to the child’s educational development.

Physical activity after screen time

Screen time doesn’t help a child “calm down.” It’s the opposite; watching the rapid visual activity common to screen media is overstimulating. Afterward, the child really needs to calm down… but doesn’t have the tools to do so.

Give them the tools: physical activity. Don’t just leave them to their own devices; give them direction: hopscotch, jump rope, riding a bike, jumping on a trampoline, even running around the block. Inside the house, you can do wheelbarrow races across the living room or basement, create an obstacle course, or run up and down the stairs. Physical activity resets the vestibular system, which affects mood.

After you use the bathroom, you wash your hands. After screen time, you do physical activity. Make this into an automatic connection, so there’s nothing to talk about.

This is important for all children, but especially children who have sensory or attention deficit issues. Those children are the most sensitive to over-stimulation of the visual system, the corresponding “zoning out” while watching and the challenge in transitioning back to the real world.

If your child has been doing a directed physical activity for what seems to you like a while, and you’d like them to come in and eat supper or do homework, but the child wants to continue, it’s usually wise to let them. If the child is asking for specific sensory input, they almost always need it.

If your child works with an OT already for these issues, ask her what exercises will help regulate your child. Use those exercises to transition out of screen time.

Create good screen habits

Ages 3 to 5 is when a child is developing habits they’ll have for life. Sleeping, eating, personal hygiene, taking care of belongings… (Yes, of course you can learn habits later, but it’s harder. This is the most natural time.)

3-5 is when the child will learn his screen time habits. Take advantage and instill positive, healthy ones.

Physical activity after screen time is one critical good-screen-time-habit. But there are more. You can even make these into “House Rules,” with a list or a chart.

No screens at meals – or eating while using screens. (One of the possible reasons why more television viewing is linked to obesity is “diminished attention to satiety cues” when you eat while watching.)
No screens in the bedroom.
Screens should be used in a public place in the house, where the parent can be aware of what’s going on.
No screens for at least an hour before bed (so the emitted blue light doesn’t disrupt the length and quality of sleep).
Screen time comes with limits. Set a timer for 20 minutes and the the device goes away. Or one 30 minute TV show and the the TV goes off. We give our 4 year olds one scoop of ice cream and when it’s done, it’s done. We don’t put the entire box in front of them and tell them to stop when they’re done, or go take a nap and wander in an hour later to check what’s going on. Screen time should work the same way.

Ages 5-9 (School-age)

When your child hits school, screen time management gets more complicated. Many schools use devices in the context of learning – from iPads to smart boards (yes, a smart board is a device and depending on how it’s used can have similar effects to other screen media).

The proliferation of devices in everyday settings and situations was the primary cause of the November 2016 update to the American Academy of Pediatrics screen time recommendation for school-age children, changing the 17 year-old “two-hour guideline” to a “personalized media plan.”

We’ve spoken to many parents who express their frustration with their child being hyper and acting wild in the late afternoon and evening. Unfortunately, when the child is exposed to screens in school, and then comes home and has more screen exposure by watching TV or playing on the computer, their brains have a build-up of over-stimulation, without time to wind down.

As a parent, when you create a media plan for your child, make sure you’re taking into account the media he’s been exposed to in school. It may mean that you limit the media exposure at home more than you would have otherwise. That can be frustrating to you as a parent, but it is a reality of the world we live in.

If you can limit screen time on school days and have more screen time on weekends instead, that may be better. (Like anything, there’s often some trial and error until you hit upon the right combination for your child.)

All points about physical activity after screen time and continuing healthy habits still apply to our elementary school age children. In addition, here are some other guidelines for healthy screen media consumption.

No screen media before going to school

Children are the most alert and ready to engage with the world when they wake up in the morning. Exposure to screens at that time will start a zoning-out process which will make it harder for them to concentrate and do their best in school.

A number of teachers have told us that they can tell when children have been watching TV or other screen media in the morning before they got to school. If a child is unfocused and they inquire as to the child’s routine that morning, they’ll almost always find the child was using or watching a screen.

This is obviously anecdotal evidence, and doesn’t prove that ALL children who watch screen media will be unfocused, but it does fit in with the biological and developmental effects of screen viewing.

In your child’s media plan, if at all possible, don’t put screen time in the morning. Give them their best shot at focusing in school, and keep the screen time for when they come home.

Educate your kids about screens

The more children understand about what screens do, the more likely they’ll be to follow healthy habits as they get older.

Even within screen activities there is a wide range – some providing actual benefit to the child and some providing nothing but empty entertainment. We admire the way this mom helped her daughter understand the difference between “brain food apps” and “junk food apps,” decide what apps fell into what category, and what was an appropriate use time and limit for each.

When your child is younger, you’ll be guiding any decision making process, educating your child as you do so. As your child gets older, starting from around the age of 8, give them opportunities to make their own decisions about what to do with their screen time, and then afterwards discuss why they chose that.

Teach boredom skills

If kids don’t know what to do when they’re bored, tech will quickly become the default. It’s always there; it will entertain and occupy you; and you don’t have to put in too much effort to get those particular benefits.

As parents, we can teach our children other things to do when they’re bored. One great idea is creating a Bored Jar with different ideas that your child can pull out whenever he’s stuck for something to do.

By planning ahead, and having lists of ideas, it will help us as parents (we won’t be stressed and stuck with bored, complaining kids and no ideas) and it will help our children learn a valuable coping skill in life.

Don’t give kids the charger

This is a practical, physical way of setting limits and keeping you as the parent in the picture. A child gets a device with a certain amount of charge on it, and they need to decide how to use it wisely. When the charge is up, their time is up, and they need to give it back to the parent to get it charged.

Charger control and location can be helpful for parents and their own screen time limits. When I (Evelyn) originally got a smartphone, I found my screen time escalating, checking my emails before I went to bed at night and first thing in the morning – and this is even though I talk about the importance of limiting screen time! To help myself, I decided I would only charge my phone downstairs: not in my bedroom. It was a significant help. To this day, my charger stays out of my bedroom.

What to do if your child uses screens more than you want

At younger grade-school ages, you still naturally have a significant amount of control over the child’s behavior and what he or she does in your home. (Once your children are teens or even preteens, your direct impact is going to be a lot less and/or needs to be navigated more carefully so as not to put too much strain on your relationship.)

If your child has more screen time than you want at this point, start reducing slowly. Don’t feel pressured to rush it. Any step you take will make a difference to your child’s health, and if you do it gradually, the changes are more likely to stick.

Start reducing screen time by 10-15 minutes a day at the most. If your child has a lot of screen time, the impact won’t be felt significantly by her – and you as a parent will have only an additional 10-15 minutes in which you may need to help her find other activities. Keep that steady for a few days. Then reduce another 10-15 minutes and keep that steady for a few days. Repeat until you’re comfortable with the amount of screen time your child has.

Ages 10+

Most of the principles and rules mentioned in ages 2-5 and ages 6-9 should be maintained at this age, if possible.

But (and this is a big but) – whenever your child hits adolescence (and probably pre-adolescence), making and enforcing rules that your teen doesn’t like is hazardous ground. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t; it just means that you need to pick your battles very carefully in order to maintain as open and loving a relationship with them as possible.

Screen time may or may not be a worthwhile place to put a battleground, in the grand scheme of all the issues you’re likely dealing with.

This is one reason why it’s important to establish good habits and house rules when they’re young. A teenager is much more likely to be following them if she was introduced at 3 than if she was introduced at 11. If you didn’t, though, don’t beat yourself up. Really, don’t. It is what it is, and you still have the ability to help your child now, albeit in a different way.

Education and conversation

Keep screen time and related issues as conversation topics, whether as a family or one-on-one with your child. Talk about the concepts of sensory stimulation, your body’s sleep-wake rhythms, and what can interfere with them. Discuss the values of of relationships and of achievement. Raise practical questions about focus and health.

Keep your teen thinking, and guide her to information that will help her expand her knowledge and come to healthy conclusions.

Be a role model

We said it at the very beginning, and we say it again here, because it’s one of your primary ways of influencing teens and pre-teens. If your child sees you growing and changing your habits based on new knowledge about screen time and its impact, those actions will speak louder than any words.

Children with developmental issues

All the guidelines above are intended for normally developing children. If a child has developmental issues, you may be able to keep to the above guidelines by putting in more effort to teach skills or to actively occupy your child. Sometimes – or often – it may be too difficult.

In the opening example of Part 1 of this post, we gave the example of a parent who occupied his child in a restaurant using an iPhone. More than one reader commented that for a child with developmental issues (like autism), there may be no way to finish a meal in a restaurant in a pleasant manner without using a screen device. (And having a pleasant experience is why people go out to eat in the first place.)

In that case, you as a parent may need to give your child that screen to keep them occupied and enable the rest of the family to finish their meal. But it’s important that before you reach for the screen you realize – this is not helping the child.

It may be helping you as a parent, or the family as an entity. And when you weigh out all the factors (including the indirect impact on child if you as parent or family don’t have the ability to rest/eat out/etc.), then that may be the right decision.

It doesn’t mean there won’t be consequences. In real life, the right decision in a complex situation will often have both positive and negative consequences. But it can still be the right decision, and if it is: there is no room for any guilt or shame.

That said, because it’s not helping the child (and it’s quite possibly having a negative effect), don’t make that the default. Make it a conscious, thought-out decision.

If you as a parent come out with one thing from this post, it’s that screen time decisions should be conscious decisions. What are the benefits? What are the consequences? Are there other options? Taking into account all the factors, make the best decision you can.

You deserve a standing ovation as parents.

Parenting is a dance. A complicated, challenging dance – with multiple dancers, different melodies, and a constantly changing beat. It takes effort, control, agility, balance… and the willingness to fall and then get up again. Even when you’re exhausted, you still need to perform: front and center.

If you got to the end of this very long post, we want to tell you how we know your dance will be a beautiful one, challenging though it may be to perform. We see:

Your dedication to your child’s health and development.
The effort you’re willing to put in to give him the best chance at a happy, healthy, fulfilling life.
The thoughtfulness with which you approach the gift that is the opportunity to raise a child.

We’re here for any of your thoughts and questions on this topic. Just comment below, and we’ll respond.

We wish you insight, patience, strength… and much, much success with your dance.

16Sep2017

Kids Development, Reading To Kids

reading books for kids, reading for kids, reading stories for kids, reading to kids, why read to kids

Why kids should be read to – even if they can read on their own

September 16, 2017

Via The Straits Times: Why kids should be read to – even if they can read on their own

Many of us will be able to recall the enjoyment of shared reading: being read to and sharing reading with our parents. However, my research has found that of the 997 Year 4 and Year 6 respondents (equivalent to upper primary in Singapore) at 24 schools which took part in last year’s Western Australian Study in Children’s Book Reading, nearly three-fifths reported that they were not being read to at home.

A sample of these children also participated in interviews where I asked them how they felt about shared reading. While a few children did not mind no longer being read to, others were disappointed when it stopped.

For example, when I asked Jason about his experience of being read to by his parents, he explained: “…they kind of stopped when I knew how to read. I knew how to read, but I just still liked my mum reading it to me.”

His experience is common, with other recent research suggesting that more than one-third of Australian respondents aged six to 11 whose parents had stopped reading to them wanted it to continue.

But why is it so important for us to keep reading with our children for as long as possible?

Research has typically found that shared reading experiences are highly beneficial for young people. Benefits of shared reading include facilitating enriched language exposure, fostering the development of listening skills, spelling, reading comprehension and vocabulary, and establishing essential foundational literacy skills. They are also valued as a shared social opportunity between parents and their children to foster positive attitudes towards reading.

When we read aloud to children, it is also beneficial for their cognitive development, with parent-child reading activating brain areas related to narrative comprehension and mental imagery. While most of the research in this area focuses on young children, this does not mean that these benefits somehow disappear as children age.

As young people’s attitudes towards reading reflect their experiences of reading at home and at school in childhood and beyond, providing an enjoyable shared reading experience at home can help to turn children into lifelong readers.

However, not all shared reading experiences are enjoyable. Some children described having poor quality experiences of being read to, and children did not typically enjoy reading to distracted or overly critical parents.

In some cases, parents attempted to outsource this responsibility to older siblings, with mixed results.

While many children really enjoyed the social aspects of reading and being read to as valuable time with their parents, they also felt that they learnt from these experiences. For example, listening was felt to provide an opportunity to extend vocabulary and improve pronunciation.

Gina recalled the advantage she lost when her parents stopped reading to her: “When they did read to me when I was younger, I learnt the words; I would like to learn more words in the bigger books and know what they are so I could talk more about them.”

Similarly, Craig explained how being read to enabled his academic advantage in literacy, as “they were teaching me how to say more words”, and “that’s why I’m ahead of everyone in spelling and reading and English”. When this stopped, “just because my mum thought I was smart enough to read on my own and started to read chapter books”, Craig was disappointed.

In addition, some children were terrified of reading aloud in class, and this fear could potentially be alleviated through more opportunities to practise at home.

Hayden’s anxiety around reading aloud at school related to his lack of confidence, and his tendency to compare his skills with those of his peers. He described himself as “always standing up there shivering, my hands are shivering, I just don’t want to read, so I just start reading. And I sound pretty weird”. No one read with him at home, so he had limited opportunity to build his confidence and skills.

This research suggests that we should not stop reading with our children just because they have learnt to read independently.

We should keep reading with our children until they no longer wish to share reading with us, ensuring these experiences are enjoyable as they can influence children’s future attitudes towards reading, as well as building their confidence and competence as readers. It is worth the effort to find time to share this experience with our children in the early years and beyond.

15Sep2017

Kids Development, Kids Health, Kids Nutrition

kids going vegan, vegetarian kids, vegetarian meals for kids

My Kid Just Announced He’s a Vegetarian. So What Do I Do Now?

September 15, 2017

Via Washingtonian: My Kid Just Announced He’s a Vegetarian. So What Do I Do Now?

You’ve been a meat and potatoes eater your whole life, but now your kid refuses to touch anything with animal flesh in it. Don’t worry; it’s not a sign that something is wrong with them. “A lot of kids just don’t like meat,” says pediatric nutritionist Daisy Miller. “Some have a natural taste or texture aversion. Sometimes it’s coming from a place of trying to control something, sometimes it’s a fear, and sometimes there’s a seed in their mind that harm was done to an animal.”

Now that you’ve got a fresh-faced vegetarian in your family, how do you adapt? Miller shares some keen insights to ensure your child stays healthy and you stay sane.

Ordering them to eat meat won’t work

“With selective eating, it’s not the thinking part of a kid’s brain that’s reacting–it’s happening in the limbic system–so you can’t rationalize with them. If something in them decides, ‘No, I’m not going to eat that,’ it’s over. It’s the flip of a light switch. There’s no gray area.”

Bribery probably won’t work either

“I have met parents who have promised kids trips to Disneyland or all the M&Ms in the universe, but the kids won’t do take a single bite.”

Don’t worry so much about protein

“It’s pretty easy to get protein on a vegetarian diet. There’s dairy and eggs, so a kid will be fine. Pasta and a glass of milk has plenty of protein for them.”

Consider what nutrients they may be missing

“Even kids who are eating a lot of vegetables with iron, their bodies don’t absorb it well. An easy solve is a children’s multivitamin with iron. Also, an Omega-3 supplement will help with brain function and the health of their immune system. If they’re eating less than three servings of dairy a day, think about a calcium supplement or a product that’s supplemented with it, like orange juice.”

Learn how to cook without meat

“It’s hard to beat Pinterest when it comes to looking for ideas.”

Don’t cook separate meals

“Keep in common whatever you can. If you’re having rice, broccoli, and chicken, come up with an alternative for the meat–like refried beans or tofu. You want everyone to share the same meal. Not only does cooking something completely different stress out parents, it reinforces to kids that they can’t eat what their parents are eating and they have to eat something special. It’s habit reinforcing behavior.”

Repetition is not a bad thing

“If your kid wants a cheese quesadilla five times a week, that’s fine. If they are happy, that’s all that matters. Billions of people around the world eat the same thing every day and are perfectly healthy.”

Don’t bring special food to restaurants

“You just make do. Even if that means they eat the breadbasket and apple juice. That’s dinner. Parents may say that’s not a healthy dinner, but to a kid, it’s fine.”

Consult with a pediatric nutritionist or dietician

“Get some good advice from an expert. Don’t research online. Google will not bring you what you need.”

Take a look at yourself

“Parents need to identify their own issues, belief system, and desire to control their kids. Before they communicate to their kids about vegetarianism and their food choices, they need to do some self examination to figure out where their opinions are coming from and why. Ultimately, parents need to figure out how to respect this decision their child has made.”

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